Lynette: Huh. That's weird.
Tom: What?
Lynette: I have an "Isn't that Ironic?" app that usually buzzes when people say stuff like that.

Lynette: You tidied up the dead guy?
Bree: I felt it was respectful at the time.

Come in! And don't be an axe murderer.

My son eats waffsicles!

You had me at stupid girlfriend.

What is that... 5 guys in a week? Is she starting a basketball team?

The last guy who saw me naked told me not to wait too long around pap smears.
 

Renee: Oh my God, look at your hair!
Lynette: Do you like it?
Renee: Is it permanent?
Lynette: No.
Renee: Then I love it!

This one kept knocking me up so I won't get to be nostalgic until I'm 90.

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