Manny: I think it's a bold step, and I support you in your journey of self improvement.
Gloria: No, you're not getting your hair straightened.

I knew we should have poured the tequila in your belly button. That's why they have these systems in place.

Manny: Hey, that's my bike!
Luke: We're all making sacrifices. I'm wearing a monokini.

Manny: And just like that, it disappears.
Luke: In his defense, the water is really cold.

Manny: You know now that I think about it, I could be allergic to Stella. I've been a little stuff since we got her.
Jay: You were stuffy long before that. Do you not remember scolding that waiter at Chuck E Cheese for serving you from the right.

Do we have to put the toilet on the counter? I take my afternoon coffee here.

Luke [to Lily]: Okay a boy and a girl meet a frat party and they both think each other is totally hot. So they pound their beers and head upstairs-
Manny: Luke! Stop. She's not hearing this from you.

Jay: Where were you when I was growing up? I'd of had your dice and cigarettes before you got to homeroom.
Manny: Where'd you go to school? "Guys and Dolls?"

I like staying with you but it's basically camping.

C'mon Jay this is my farewell tour Trick-or-Treating in the neighborhood, I have to go out strong.

Ok keep in mind, I'm not in makeup yet, but do these sandals make my legs look thick? Because I can lower the hem.

Manny: When you first started dating him, what was his nickname for you?
Gloria: Sexy pants.
Manny: Ew. The other one?
Gloria: Bunny.

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Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said