Manny: You have to face it Jay, one day I’m gonna be moving out of this house.
Jay: Can I get that in writing? Cause I just can’t shake this image of a 30 year old you, eating my food and cuddling with my wife.
Gloria: Boys should never stop cuddling their mothers.
Jay: I’m gonna have nightmares!

I don’t get it, you’re the greatest generation, but why can’t you feel?

Jay: Why do you look like that when I look like this?
Manny: My friends say it’s because of your money.

Jay: Trees are like women, the best ones make you work just a little bit harder.
Manny: She’s just not that into you.

Manny: You know what’s super helpful? When the guy in line behind you calls you Mount Sweatmore.
Luke: I was trying to relax you.

Andy: I'm the new Manny.
Manny: Am I being replaced?

Manny: Wow that was very mature of you.
Jay: Yeah well I'm a lot older now than when she started getting dressed.

Manny: She's having her hair blown out.
Jay: That's a thing? That I pay for?

Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk?

Phil: The universe punished me. I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows.
Manny: Actually it's not a bunch of crows, it's called a murder.
Phil: I know what I did!

You got a problem with Poppins, you got a problem with me.

I love it here, manicured lawns, planned activities, early dinners, what more does a kid need?