Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk?

Phil: The universe punished me. I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows.
Manny: Actually it's not a bunch of crows, it's called a murder.
Phil: I know what I did!

You got a problem with Poppins, you got a problem with me.

I love it here, manicured lawns, planned activities, early dinners, what more does a kid need?

Manny: What kind of man writes poetry on the computer?
Jay: You could've ended that sentence after poetry.

I don't want my mom there. I'm exploring some darker themes I'm not sure she's read for. Poems like the umbilical noose, a jail called mom, Smother nature. She'll just find a way to make it all about her.

We all weave a web of lies. Some we tell to try to help the ones we love, some we tell to try to fool ourselves.

Just because he's behind a curtain doesn't make him a wizard.

Claire

I've always felt out of place in public school, like a long petunia in an onion patch.

Just coffee for me today. Black. Like I feel on the inside.

Manny: My secret admirer asked that I wear a hat with a feather in it.
Jay: Which one?

Happy Valentine's Day, it's the one time of year when the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time. Good luck world.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell