Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Just because he's behind a curtain doesn't make him a wizard.

Claire

I've always felt out of place in public school, like a long petunia in an onion patch.

Just coffee for me today. Black. Like I feel on the inside.

Manny: My secret admirer asked that I wear a hat with a feather in it.
Jay: Which one?

Happy Valentine's Day, it's the one time of year when the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time. Good luck world.

Kids make fun of you if you get a haircut. I just gave them a full blown sex scandal.

If you're hungry for broccoli later, you'll find a piece in your teeth.

Can I offer you a Pina Delgado?

Manny: Does anyone care that I'm not from Mexico?
Luke: You keep saying that but we've never seen a birth certificate.

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