Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk?

Phil: The universe punished me. I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows.
Manny: Actually it's not a bunch of crows, it's called a murder.
Phil: I know what I did!

You got a problem with Poppins, you got a problem with me.

I love it here, manicured lawns, planned activities, early dinners, what more does a kid need?

Manny: What kind of man writes poetry on the computer?
Jay: You could've ended that sentence after poetry.

I don't want my mom there. I'm exploring some darker themes I'm not sure she's read for. Poems like the umbilical noose, a jail called mom, Smother nature. She'll just find a way to make it all about her.

We all weave a web of lies. Some we tell to try to help the ones we love, some we tell to try to fool ourselves.

Just because he's behind a curtain doesn't make him a wizard.


I've always felt out of place in public school, like a long petunia in an onion patch.

Just coffee for me today. Black. Like I feel on the inside.

Manny: My secret admirer asked that I wear a hat with a feather in it.
Jay: Which one?

Happy Valentine's Day, it's the one time of year when the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time. Good luck world.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

Phil Dunphy