The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMarge Simpson Quotes
Marge: Did you know that every U.S. president has been a straight white man?
Homer: Even Walt Disney?
(The Simpsons are all huddled up near the fireplace.)
Marge: We wouldn't be in this trouble if you just paid the heating bill!
Homer: I thought global warming would take care of it it. Al Gore can't do anything right.
(Marge enters Professor Stephan's library.)
Marge: Have you really read all these books?
Professor Stephan: Morally I couldn't display them on my shelves if I hadn't. But I watch sports as well, just like a regular man.
(Professor Stephan turns out the TV to a football game.)
Professor Stephan: Good goddess! The Patriots are deep in Redskin territory. This isn't entertainment, it's genocide! (Sobs)
(Flashback)
Homer: You know, these Ikea foam futons do velcro together . . .
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't want to do that yet. I want to wait until I'm married, or at least really drunk.
Marge: Hey, parents are allowed to keep some secrets.
Homer: Yeah, like which kid's their favorite. (whispering) It's Lisa.
Marge: (gasps as she bursts into Homer's mansion) Oh, my god, you're a junkie!
Homer: (moaning) I need it...
Marge: I'm getting you off this stuff!
Homer: But I need it!
Marge: No, you don't!
(Flash back to the present)
Marge: Unfortunately, as I later learned, that wasn't heroin. It was insulin. Homer really did need those injections.
Homer: I had become diabetic from drinking too many Frappuccinos.
(On the phone)
Marge: I'm just really worried about your weight. Bart says that we got a call from NASA, and your gravity is pulling satellites out of their orbit.
Homer: Marge, that was a joke.
Marge: But it comes from a true place.
Marge: This election is on every channel.
Homer: Come on, Marge. It's primary fever. Catch it!
Marge: That's what you said about yellow fever, and that was no fun.
(The family watches a commercial for a new restaurant.)
Wes Doobner: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner?
Homer: Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back.
Wes Doobner: Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with somethin' for everyone!
Homer: Good luck with my finicky appetite!
Wes Doobner: We've got ribs--
Homer: Sold!
Wes Doobner: Plain noodles.
(Marge sighs.)
Wes Doobner: With butter.
Marge: Yowza!
Wes Doobner: Texas tofu!
Lisa: Yummy, yumma!
Wes Doobner: And the easiest place mat puzzle in the state.
Bart: Let me at it!
Opal: Marge, I thank you for creating Shapes. And, uh, my boyfriend thanks you, too!
Opal's audience: Oooooh!
Marge: When is Straightman going to pop the question?
Opal: Uh... uh... You're all getting German cuckoo clocks!
(Audience cheers)
Homer: We're gonna be rich! We can finally afford to start a family!
Marge: We have a family!
Homer: A better one!
(Milhouse's parents are lost at sea.)
Homer: Here Milhouse, why don't you cheer up with a glass of Ocean Spray. (catches himself) Oh, boy. Forget that. How about some Cap'n Crunch? (catches himself) Seven Seas Italian Dressing? Oh, no, no, no. Uhh... Chicken of the Sea tuna? Ahh. Billy Ocean CD? The History of Atlantic Records?
Marge: Stop naming things!
Homer: I want to, but I can't.
Marge: Then go to Moe's.
Homer: Good idea. I'll drown my sorrows in Anchor Steam Beer. (Looks at Milhouse) Oh ho ho I'm sorry. (Covers his mouth and leaves)
