Mark: Honestly, Leslie, it's going to be a long uphill battle. You are going to be super-annoyed with all the people who want you to fail. There is a sea of red tape, endless road blocks. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Leslie: Screw it. I'm gonna try to do it anyway.

Mark: You've got hazardous chemicals over here.
Ron: Yeah, which only I am breathing. It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car. Are you going to tell a man that he can't fart in his own car?

Tom: Maybe Ron shot himself.
Leslie: Mmm, he has seemed really depressed lately.
Mark: He was shot in the back of the head.
Leslie: You're right. He loves the back of his head. He would never shoot himself there.

Ron: No, I'm bringing my workshop up to the Swanson code. And if the Swanson code happens to overlap with the city government code...
Mark: Shut up!

Recently I have been thinking about maybe leaving this job, but I felt like I needed a sign. And then Ann broke up with me the week I was going to propose, the government got shut down and yesterday one of those pigeons took an [expletive] on me. And I was indoors, so...

Mark: You know, not everyone has your enthusiasm for this work.
Leslie: You know, I guess I've been mispronouncing your name all these years, Mark Brendana-quits.

Jerry: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have an unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: Well that's funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Jerry: What?
Mark: You didn't know that, huh?
Jerry: I didn't know I was adopted.

I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.

You ever seen this man sleep? It's like underwater ballet.

Man, I should have yelled at you way more.

Mark: Why does anyone want to run for public office, you're just asking to have your entire life exposed.
Tom: Not if you're squeaky clean like me.
Mark: You're married and you hit on women constantly.
Tom: Yeah but never sealed the deal. Just window shopping. You can fly to Brazil, just never enter the cave. Am I right? Up top!

Mark: Maybe you should try and relax. Maybe take one of those Ativans I saw in the medicine cabinet.
Ann: Dude!
Mark: Yeah, I peaked. Also I didn't see any toothpaste. Do you use toothpaste?

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April