Michael Kelso Quotes
Kelso: You know, Hyde, seeing you work hard and take pride in what you do... I lost a lot of respect for you, man.
Fez: You used to be my hero. My lazy American hero.
Hyde: Okay. All right. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Kelso (laughing): Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled and you cried.
Hyde: And you laughed, man. A lot. While I was bleeding... You see my point?
Kelso: Yeah, it's funny when friends get hurt.
Hyde: Close enough.
(Eric has just walked in on his parents having sex)
Eric: Okay, uh, we need to get to the hospital now.
Kelso: But what about your mom?
Eric (shouting): Don't you dare talk about my mother!
(after painting a pot leaf on the water tower)
Hyde: I don't know. It kinda looks like it's giving the finger.
Kelso: No way, man. That is definitely a pot leaf!
(Kelso falls off the water tower)
Hyde: Hey Kelso, what's it look like down there?
Kelso (in pain): It looks like it's giving me the finger!
(sitting atop the water tower)
Jackie: Oh my god. From up here, Point Place looks just like Paris.
Donna: You think that looks like Paris? No wonder you think Kelso could be a model.
Kelso: Whoa! I could so be a model.
Eric: I don't know. If I hit this guy, Donna's just gonna be pissed.
Kelso: No, man. Chicks dig that stuff! I mean, Leia, right, she acted like she was mad at Han. But I could tell she liked him.
Hyde: Kelso, man, what are you, an idiot? Leia likes Luke, I mean she kissed him on that bridge!
Kelso: Uh! Just for luck!
Fez: I'm so excited about Star Whores.
Hyde: Fez man, it's Star Wars.
Fez: Screw that.
Hyde: Hey Forman, man, this thing better be good. If I don't see some space jugs, I'm going to be super pissed.
Eric: Oh, hey, guys, I heard it was okay.
Kelso: Well, there is no way it's better than the Planet of the Apes. I mean, those apes were really good actors.
Kelso: Laurie, what's going on? You're acting like you're liking me, and that's weird.
Laurie: It's like I told you Kelso, I'm bored.
Kelso: Well that's very flattering, but uh, you know, Jackie and I are back together.
Laurie: Oh. I understand. Do you wanna see my appendix scar?
Kelso: Once again, (looks at it) what's-her-name and I are back together!
Fez: Oh, I know who I can ask to the Prom!
Hyde: Oh boy! Who Fez?
Fez: The lucky lady is... my English teacher!
Kelso: Fez, you can't take a teacher to the Prom!
Fez: Why not? She's always writing sexy comments on my homework: Nice Job, Good Effort, See Me, I love you... Okay, I made the last one up, but the other ones were real.
Jackie: Well, I have a date too.
Kelso: Who is he? What's his name?
Jackie: His name is... not important. What's important is, he's better than you, in every single conceivable way.
Kelso: Damn, Jackie, that could be anybody!
Kelso: Hey, I love her.
Eric: No, you don't.
Kelso: Okay, I don't.
Kelso: Guys, guess who's taking Pam Macey to the prom?
Hyde: Anyone with a quarter?
Kelso: NO, ME!
Fez: Darn, and I had a quarter, too.