Michael Kelso Quotes
Kelso: Jackie, where'd you go?
Jackie: I had to get something for you to bite on cause I told everyone you were having a seizure!
Hyde: ...Let's drink beer!
Kelso: Me first!
Donna: No way! I spotted it!
Kelso: Nah, I saw it too. I just didn't say anything!
Hyde: You saw a keg and you didn't say anything?! BACK OF THE LINE!
Destroy: Hey, Kelshmo, what, your tap is broken? Why did you do something stupid like buy a stupid, broken tap? What are you? Stupid?
Kelso: It wasn't broken until you broke it!
Ricky: Tell me, what do you consider your best quality?
Eric: Well, I'm a real people person.
Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Kelso: My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt too.
Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains!
Kelso: Rock star. No, a movie star No, wait. Yeah. Rock star.
Hyde: Prison.
Kelso: Geez, if [Red]'s like this now, he's going to be a total headcase when they shut down the plant. He's just going to be this pathetic guy...
(Red walks in)
Kelso (loudly): ...with breasts the size of watermelons! (pauses) ...is what Moses said to the Egyptians.
Kelso: Hey, Eric, maybe she's going to give you the big gift. You know, the big gift. You guys know what I'm talking about, right?
Hyde: Yes, Kelso. We got it. Then, we got it.
Fez: I'm not even from here, and I got it.
(Laurie is folding clothes in the basement; she bends over)
Fez: Holy Mother!
Kelso (nervously): Hello, Laurie.
Laurie: Hello, Kelso, Hyde.
Fez: Who's the goddess?
Kelso: The goddess is Eric's sister.
Hyde: She's not a goddess, she's more the earth mother whore type, which works for me.
(Eric's car battery is dead)
Randy (The Mechanic): So, what, you want a battery? 'Cause I can get you a battery.
Eric: Are they cheap, or possibly free?
Randy (The Mechanic): Thirty-two bucks, minimum.
Kelso: Alright, I'll tell you what. We'll trade you our battery plus five bucks for one of your batteries.
Kelso: That's Fez. He's a foreign exchange student.
Jackie: Who did we exchange for him?
Kelso: Don't worry about it! Just remain calm, keep moving.
Donna: And above all, don't get sucked into my dad's hair.
Eric: Ever since yesterday, I can't stop thinking about you. I mean, I've known you practically my whole life. I want you. I want you so bad.
Donna: Eric, it's a car.
Kelso: Let's just leave these two kids alone.
