Favorite Mike Delfino Quotes
Mike: Did you just say Katherine is a leprechaun?
Susan: Lesbian. Katherine is a lesbian.
Mike: Okay. The first one made more sense.
Susan: Apparently, the other night, Katherine and Robin got a little drunk...
Mike: Hold it. Robin?
Susan: Yeah. She's a leprechaun, too.
Mary Alice: (narrating) Yes, Susan knew Mike was about to pop the question. The one she thought he'd never ask...
Susan: Oh, Mike.
Mary Alice: And thanks to Susan..
Susan: Will you marry me?
Mary Alice: ...he never did... Luckily, it wasn't the question she needed to hear...
Mike: I kinda had a speech prepared, but, sure, what the heck.
Mary Alice: ...it was the answer.
(Mike puts the ring on Susan's finger.)
Susan: I have a clog.
Mike: Excuse me?
Susan: And you're a plumber, right?
Mike: Yeah.
Susan: The clog's in the pipe.
Mike: Yeah, that's usually where they are
I'm not Ian. I can't afford to move you into a mansion, or fly you off to Paris. But I'll be damned if I don't give you the same dream wedding he would've given you.
Susan: Oh, God, you scared me.
Mike: How'd it go?
Susan: It went just peachy, and humiliating, and shocking.
Mike: Susan...
Susan: How could you? God, "Susan, do you trust me?" "Yes, of course I do." Oh, I'm such an idiot, and you're such a liar. Oh, and apparently a killer, and a drug dealer. That's just quite a personal ad you've got going there.
Mike: Susan, I came to Wisteria Lane--
Susan: Stop! Stop, Mike, just stop. If you keep talking, you're gonna work your way into my heart and I just don't want you anywhere near my heart. Ever
Mike: Should I offer to loan him a shirt?
Lee: Don't you dare!
Susan: Mike, you saved our lives. (Mike pulls Susan's cheese out of his back pocket) And our cheese! Ian, can you believe it? Mike saved our cheese!
Ian: Yes, yes, he's quite the hero.
Mike: (smirking) Good thing I was following ya.
Mike: So how did the two of you meet?
Orson: Oh well I've been her dentist for years... last week i was looking in her mouth and decided to put my tongue in it.
Susan: Well, so, in your mind, is the date off?
Mike: Well, you snooped around my house and went through my stuff. Uh, yeah, in my book that's pretty much a deal breaker.
Susan: Hold on a minute, now. I started snooping around because I found all that money by accident. And, and then, I found a gun. Are you a drug dealer or something?
Mike: Is that what you think?
Susan: Well, I wouldn't know because you never let me in. You know, there's this whole part of your life that you keep completely walled off.
Mike: I have a gun for protection, I keep cash for emergencies. I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that. I'm, I'm not obligated to share every little detail of my life with you.
Susan: Well, every little detail is one thing. You know, weird creepy secrets, that's another.
Mike: You know what, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me.
Susan: Well, maybe we shouldn't be dating.
Mike: Maybe we shouldn't.
Susan: Do you mean that?
Mike: Yeah.
Susan: Well, I hope that your, you know, little secret keeps you warm at night because you're throwing something really great away to protect it!
I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.
Mike: Why is there a big ass piano in our house?
Susan: Actually, Big Ass stopped making pianos. This is a Yamaha.
If you field this one, I'll tell him where babies come from.
