Cam: Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.
Mitchell: Though based on your outfit, we need to work a little harder.

Mitchell: How about a show to go with it?
Cam: Mitchell?
Mitchell: Who's Mitchell? I'm Magic Mitch. Welder by day, stripper by choice.

We should be careful, this market might be a trick to get a whole bunch of white people together in one spot.

Claire: You know Luke has failed that driver's test twice now right?
Mitchell: My options today are frat house, duck village, or car crash. I'm feeling very comfortable with my decision.

We have been renting the upstairs unit to some frat boys from Cam's old college. They're here for some big game and to try to get on the Price is Right. Unfortunately for me it's brought out Cam's bromosexual side.

Mitchell: That was a take-out menu.
Earl: I don't want that man to know where I eat.

Everyone has their strengths. I'm a great gift-giver.

Now, I didn't tell Cam, because I was embarrassed, but also because I knew -- I knew I would get another job just like that. It's been a month.

Mitchell: Oh my god. That burger was so good, I feel like I just cheated on you.
Cam: Yeah, I heard the moaning.

Cam: Woo! That's the real Jay!
Jay: You know it! [snaps finger]

It was pretty pricey, but they're judgey so we knew the'd love it.

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Modern Family Quotes

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.