Mitchell: That was a take-out menu.
Earl: I don't want that man to know where I eat.

Everyone has their strengths. I'm a great gift-giver.

Now, I didn't tell Cam, because I was embarrassed, but also because I knew -- I knew I would get another job just like that. It's been a month.

Mitchell: Oh my god. That burger was so good, I feel like I just cheated on you.
Cam: Yeah, I heard the moaning.

Cam: Woo! That's the real Jay!
Jay: You know it! [snaps finger]

It was pretty pricey, but they're judgey so we knew the'd love it.

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Claire: What party?
Mitchell: Aw the two saddest words in the English language.

Looks like someone has an issue with anger franagment!

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.

Mitchell: Wow remember when you dropped me off at summer camp? You barely slowed down the car.
Jay: You never had a condition that made it difficult to breathe.
Mitchell: I was a closeted gay kid at sports camp. I spent the week in mid-faint.

Coming up with a lie like that in the moment? That girl is no clown, she's gonna be a lawyer.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.