Mitchell: There is a lot of pressure when one is a gay uncle.
Cam: Or guncle.

Mitchell: She's gonna wake up.
Cam: Oh please, she's got enough pills in her, she's gonna rattle like a maraca.

Cam: Let's get this woman into bed and in the morning out of the house as fast as we can. Honestly, I don't know how straight guys do it.
Mitchell: Probably without those hand gestures.

We're showing Lily that we trust her enough to have one nice thing.

Cam: I just can't believe I slipped into one of Gloria's dresses.
MItchell: Relax it's a maternity poncho.

Cam: Trust me, I have another plan.
Mitchell: Really? Because right now our daughter is walking around like a Vietnamese Annie Hall.

News Reporter: How does your spouse feel about you coaching?
Cam: Oh this one, he's my rock, he's my Connie Britton.
Mitchell: Your Connie Britton?
Cam: Mrs. Coach on Friday Night Lights.

Unless you can convince Tom Brady to spend the night, I am not making breakfast for any football players…He is a football player right?

Cam: It's a bird! It's a plane!
Mitchell: It's super out of breath.
Cam: Happy Halloween to you too.

Well that's attractive. You look like a puppy with a slipper.

I can be challenging finding playmates for an exceptional child. I don't mean to brag, but that's why i didn't have any friends.

Claire: Why are you trying to turn this into a fight? I called to yell at you for getting me sick. Love you, bye.
Mitchell: I love you too.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.