Mike & Molly

Mondays 9:00 PM on CBS
Mike and molly
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If I get hit by lightning between here and the altar, which based on the day I've been having could very well happen, I want you to know that you're the love of my life.

I wanted a few soft ringlets around my face, not a head full of curly fries!

Molly: Why don't you stay with your mom tomorrow night?
Mike: For the same reason I don't chew on tinfoil or try to kiss bears.

Molly: That reminds me, make sure Victoria wears a bra tomorrow.
Joyce: I'll try, but it's like trying to keep a hat on a dog.

Molly: You're gonna kill him right? Please tell me you're gonna kill him.
Mike: If I say yes, it's premeditated.
Molly: Smart. I love you.

Molly: Tonight'll be good. Just sitting around, sipping cocktails, having some girl talk.
Victoria: Yeah. But just keep in mind it's not too late to go out tonight and do something fun!

Molly: Dirty board game?
Peggy: Dirty Scrabble. It's actually just regular Scrabble with extra F's, B's, and J's.

Molly: Slow and steady always wins the race. Don't I always say that?
Mike: She does, never in the right context, but it's a good saying anyway.

Thought you had me didn't you, you fun sized little b**ch!

Molly: Did Mike call?
Victoria: No, but my pot dealer did. He said you can have your wedding in his basement grow room.
Molly: Oh good. Well, at least the lighting will be good!

Mike: Maybe if you had talked a little less and listened a little more we wouldn't be in this mess!
Molly: Really?
Mike: Listen, I don't want a big fight.
Molly: Well, it's too late for that.

Molly: The senior center said we can get married there. Good news: they have a dance floor. Bad news: lots of people have died on it.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 15 in total

Mike & Molly Quotes

Peggy: Either call him by his Christian name, Jim, or his full name, James Douglas McAthur Biggs.
Molly: Jim it is.

Molly: We've got the house all to ourselves. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mike: Order pizza and make prank phone calls?
Molly: Yeah, baby!