Mort Goldman Quotes
Season 11, Episode 19: "Save the Clam"
Quagmire: What the hell? Jerome's on your team?
Mort Goldman: That's right! We got to know each other while I was following him around my store!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 10, Episode 21: "Tea Peter"
Lois: Wow, congratulations on your grand re-opening, Mort! Looks like your customers are coming back!
Mort: Thanks, Lois! It's good to be up and gouging again!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 9, Episode 19: "Episode VI: It's a Trap"
Mort: Am I the only one with a gold star on their uniform?
Klaus: It's just for record-keeping. Ok let's go!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 8, Episode 11: "Dial Meg for Murder"
Mort: What kind of birdhouse can you build with popsicles, roofies, and a rubber mallet?
Herbert: It's for a rare African bird called "none your business."
• Rating: 4.8 / 5.0
Season 7, Episode 3: "Road to Germany"
Hitler: These filth are making a mockery of our Reich! Execute them! [the solders c**k their guns, ready to shoot them, but Hitler interrupts them] Unless...
Brian: Unless what?
Hitler: Unless they can sing a charming musical number.
[Stewie and Brian smile at each other as music starts playing. A pair of hats and canes are tossed at them]
Stewie & Brian: Whenever-
Mort: [stands on the return pad] Damn it, will you two just get in the f**king time machine?!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 14: "No Meals On Wheels"
Lois: Peter, what the hell is that?
Peter: Lois, I'm tired of Mort always mooching off us, so I made a Scarejew.
Lois: Peter, we're not gonna have this in our front yard, it's racist, and for god's sake ya ruined your best suit. Now we're gonna have to get you a new one...
Peter: Shh shhh, Lois, Lois look. (They go inside and Mort comes to the door)
Mort: Hey guys, I just wanted to return your... Oooh! oh my god it's Hitler! He's back, he's back. hurry, protect Jon Stewart. He's out most important Jew.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 6
