The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Mr. Burns Quotes
This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon they'll have written the greatest novel known to man. Lets see. It was the best of times, it was the "blurst" of times! You stupid monkey!
Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks.
Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours Springfield. One, two, three, four!
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Burnsy.
The Ramones: Happy birthday to you!
C.J. Ramone: Go to Hell you old bastard.
Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us!
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't--
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...
Burns: Somebody up there likes me, Smithers!
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you too, sir!
Burns: Shut up!
(Mr. Burns and Smithers review the security camera footage at the power plant.)
Mr. Burns: Wait a minute. Go back.
(Tape rewinds)
Mr. Burns: Zoom in.
(Screen zooms in to Homer.)
Mr. Burns: Why is that man in pink?
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.
Smithers: I'll call security, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...
Let the fools have their "tar-tar sauce."
Mr. Burns: That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! (cackles evily) There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!
Burns: You're the fattest thing I've ever seen, and I've been on safari!
Homer: If you need me I'll be in the refrigerator! (starts crying)
Mr. Burns: We both want a fair union contract.
Homer: (thinking) Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: (thinking) Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?
Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: (thinking) My God! He is coming onto me!
Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. (chuckle, wink)
Homer: (thinking) Aaahh! Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!
Mr. Burns: I love you, Smithers.
Smithers: The feeling is more than mutual, sir.
Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?
Homer's Brain: Don't panic. Just come up with a good story.
Homer: My name is Mr. Burns!
Homer's Brain: D'oh!
