Hey! If I cooked up a whole chicken, would you guys have some?

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

First order of business, we eat their food.

Just be yourself, and if he’s not into Jessica Day, there’s something wrong with him.

When did one on one sex become old fashioned?

Winston: That's like the president and the vice president not being best friends.
Nick: They're not best friends.
Winston: Come on, everybody knows they're best friends.

Six hundred dollars! That's six hundred one-dollar bills. That's the only way I can imagine it.

I don't want a refund on my cruise and I don't want a refund on you!

Nick: My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups.
Schmidt: That seems like a lie.

Jess: Nick calls birds 'wind-mice.' Nick says 'yahtzee' when he climaxes. He calls turtles 'shell-beavers.'
Nick: Well, that's what they should be called.

Nick: I know where you live!
Jess: And I live where you live!

There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson--I lost a bet to Schmidt.

New Girl Quotes

Prince is terrible at Frisbee.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick