Guys, we've gone soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams!

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick: What the hell are you doing?
Coach: Making island beats.

Are you okay to drive? You've got crazy eyes!

Coach: His jeans are so small.
Nick: Looks like a puppet, like something an Italian whittled

He lost five pounds, he gained confidence with women, and he saw the movie "Multiplicity" 25 times.

I stole that from Nelson Mandela. I added the part about the Penguin and the Riddler.

Are we ever gonna get to the point where you stop working on me? Or instead of changing me, maybe once Jess, see it my way.

It's not a perfect system Jess, but it's mine ok? And it's private.

Tzatziki is what it's called. It's Jewish charity.

What is money anyway? It's just paper that some king on a mountain said was worth something. Gold I understand, it's shiny. You can make jewelry out of it.

A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach