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The-simpsons

Justin Blobber over there doesn't remind you of anyone?

Patty: So, now you're going to get hit on by every loser in town.
Selma: And this town has losers like Mexico has headless corpses.

Patty: Hello, Homer.
Homer: (screams) Selma!
(Patty takes pin out of hair)
Patty: It's me, Patty.
Homer: (screams) Patty!

Patty: Elvis Stojko is so handsome!
Selma: He can grease up my skates anytime!
Moe: Don't you hags know that all male figure skaters are twinkly in the lutz?
Elvis Stojko: That's a common misconception. I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.
Moe: Made up girlfriend, made up city!

Patty: I don't need a man, for I have England!
Moe: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Patty: I can't believe Homer ruined another family barbecue.
Homer: (offended) Hey! Everybody pees in the pool!
Patty: Not from the diving board!

Hello, everyone except Homer.

Marge: He's an evil man.
Mrs. Bouvier: Evil, shmevil, Marge. Monty can provide for me. And besides, he's a great kisser.
Homer: Ew, yuck!

Mrs. Bouvier: I swear, Monty, you are the devil himself.
Mr. Burns: I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.

Homer: What does "sequestered" mean?
Principal Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world.
Homer: What does "deadlocked" mean?
Principal Skinner: It's when the jury can't agree on a verdict.
Homer: Uh huh. And "if"?
Principal Skinner: A conjunction meaning "in the event that" or "on condition that".
Homer: So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel--
Patty: That's not going to happen.
Jasper: Let's vote. My liver is failing.
Homer: --where we'll get a free room, free food, free swimming pool, free HBO ooh! Free Willy!

Dr. Hibbert: Homer's illness is either caused by ingesting spoiled food, or some sort of voodoo curse.
Patty: (Holding a voodoo doll) Hey, we've just been working the eyes.

Patty: (to Marge) Your blood pressure is off the chart.
Selma: And I don't like this urine sample one bit.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 35 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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