Then I would have seen Criss's muscular back.

Jack: Your life is tied to the fate of the ring. It must be destroyed.
Pete: Are you quoting The Lord of the Rings?
Jack: No, I'm quoting myself talking to Bruce Willis.

Jack: Your evaluation gave me pause.
Pete: Are you sure? Those look like hands to me.

Liz: Jenna accused me of trying to destroy her because her lines didn't have any K sounds, which she thinks is the funniest sound
Pete: Oh my God. My cousin Karl crashed his car. And now he is in a coma at the Kendall Clinic.

Damn it! I have to write a 40 word exit evaluation of Kenneth. I wish I was dead!

When your kid throws a tantrum and holds his breath, you hold your breath too. When you regain consciousness, believe me, he's ready to leave the toy store.

Pete: Take out from Hooters!
Frank: That makes no sense.
Pete: We'll know they touched it!

Pete: What? No you can't do that!
Jenna: That's what your wife told me in the shower this morning.

Pete: I'm the producer of the show.
Reggie: Right, that's what your wife told me in the shower this morning.

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