Then I would have seen Criss's muscular back.

Jack: Your life is tied to the fate of the ring. It must be destroyed.
Pete: Are you quoting The Lord of the Rings?
Jack: No, I'm quoting myself talking to Bruce Willis.

Jack: Your evaluation gave me pause.
Pete: Are you sure? Those look like hands to me.

Liz: Jenna accused me of trying to destroy her because her lines didn't have any K sounds, which she thinks is the funniest sound
Pete: Oh my God. My cousin Karl crashed his car. And now he is in a coma at the Kendall Clinic.

Damn it! I have to write a 40 word exit evaluation of Kenneth. I wish I was dead!

When your kid throws a tantrum and holds his breath, you hold your breath too. When you regain consciousness, believe me, he's ready to leave the toy store.

Pete: Take out from Hooters!
Frank: That makes no sense.
Pete: We'll know they touched it!

Pete: What? No you can't do that!
Jenna: That's what your wife told me in the shower this morning.

Pete: I'm the producer of the show.
Reggie: Right, that's what your wife told me in the shower this morning.

Kenneth: How was substitute teaching sir?
Pete: Just like Lean On Me, in that a guy who looks like Morgan Freeman swung a bat at me.

Last time I taught I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, by which I mean I got fired.

We Hornbergers are famous cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one...just in case.

30 Rock Quotes

Oh, oh Ken ... we may have fallen into the intellectual deep end here. And if you try to grab on to me, we'll both drown.

Tracy

I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

Liz