Wait, does that mean you also didn't like my bagpiping? Is that why we have Luke?

If you can't beat em, drone em!

Claire: Phil, honey, when I’m not home I need you to be present and keep track of everyone.
Phil: Sounds good. Love you too.

Claire: You've never stolen anything before?
Phil: Only my entire high school production of The Wiz.

Point is- a guy like me gets that lucky, he quits while he's ahead.

I'm gonna miss that Juliana. That woman knows where the bodies are buried.

Phil: Happy Valentine's Day by the way.
Claire: Ew no, I'm gross and sweaty from running.

Life's too short to be ruled by fear. What do you say we get you the right dryer princess?

It's gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started out with a whipped cream smile on my waffle.

Haley isn't the only hottie living here. I washed the car in my cheer shorts the other day. I definitely felt eyes on me.

I listened to her meringue instructions in the car last week. There was so much whipping and beating I had to pull over.

Haley: Did anyone see my leopard print skirt?
Phil: I saw a leopard headband on the stairs.
Haley: That's it.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.