You never want your kids to see you scared. You want to be that rock that they grab a hold of in a stormy sea. Actually, a rock would sink. So a floating rock.

Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.

Haley is so pretty. So she can meet someone who's the best at something

Phil: I'm really sorry for not underestimating Luke enough.
Claire: Well that means a lot to me.

I've got Gloria! I've got Gloria!

I think we're all having a baby!

When it comes to wine, this woman doesn't see color. She'll drink anything you put in front of her.

I haven't felt so nervous since I tried to break up with Claire 20 years ago.

Whoa that warmer drawer really works. It's like my mom's hugging my feet again.

Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.

Luke, that is very offensive to women. Your mom works very hard, just now she works for us.

I'm totally pumped. Pumped pumped pumped, Pump up the jam, Pumped up kicks, Pumpedy dumpty, Pumple-stiltskin.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell