Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said

Phil: I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

Happy Valenbirthuhhhversary!

Okay, I'm wonder woman.

Phil [about Luke]: I'm telling you that kid is a genius, there's a rainmaker
Claire: Why is your iPod in your mouth?
Luke: I'm charging it
Claire: Alex. Alex!

You look hot enough to cook a pizza on... in.

Buffalo Phil. Worth the wait.

Phil [on the phone with Claire]: Hey honey, what's up?
Claire: Uh, the school just called. Luke got in a fight.
Phil: Oh, jeez, is he okay?
Claire: Yeah, he's fine, but they want us to come down there. Where are you?
Phil: I'm showing a house.
Claire: What house?
Phil: I'm golfing

Phil Dunphy is no straight guy.

Haley: I'm kind hungry mom.
Phil: Oh my god she's back!

Let's dim the lights, crank up Norah Jones and get this over with.

Sad face emoticon! I can feel the hurt through the phone!