Can I sit around an empty house and wait for someone? Baby I'm a realtor. I have a license for that.

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

Put the 'he' in 'hero,' son.

You know what a human pyramid is without hours of training? Ten obituaries!

Haley isn't the only hottie living here. I washed the car in my cheer shorts the other day. I definitely felt eyes on me.

Luke: It's called growing up and having your own interests. Like the minister's daughter in your precious Footloose.
Phil: Wow, using my own movie against me. Let's hear it for the boy.

In this scenario he's the Tonya and I'm the Nancy!

I'm not a rider, I'm a strider.

Yeah, he gives me a hard time. But that's the deal with a father-in-law. The key is I never let him see just how much it devastates me.

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.

Phil: It's coming from the future and it ain't pretty.
Haley: I don't understand, in the future I'm not pretty?

I love Westerns, the bloodier the better, that's my favorite type of movie - that and anything set against the backdrop of competitive cheerleading.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell