That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.

Good to see you Betty Luke.

Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.

Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.

Phil: She's like the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Cam: With cuter hair.

I love you when you're human.

Claire: You've never stolen anything before?
Phil: Only my entire high school production of The Wiz.

Claire: We need a game plan, we need to map out exactly what we are going to say, because that is the only way I will be able to hold it together while our babies look at us with judgment and disgust.
Phil: That's how they always look at us.

Happy Valenbirthuhhhversary!

Yeah I was pretty ticked off that Mitchell double crossed my double cross.

Claire likes to say "You can be part of the problem, or part of the solution." But I happen to believe you can be both

Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.