Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

"My wife won't let me go to Vegas." Trust me that is not a phone call you want to make to a group of ex-college male cheerleaders. They will mock you with a hurtful rhythmic taunt.

Phil: You know how you can treasure special moments in your past that in no way diminish special moments in your present?
Claire: Yes sweetheart it's called having a memory.

Gloria: I do Jay. Why can't I do you?
Phil: You can... do me.

If I never wake up, I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie.

It’s all gravy, when you’re in the A.V.

I'm sorry for dozens of things everyday that actually happen, if I start apologizing for things that don't happen how productive of a person would I be?

Phil Dunphy this is the year 2025, welcome, you're the first one here.

Haley: I'm kind hungry mom.
Phil: Oh my god she's back!

If you ain't white, you ain't right.

That's it a beautiful mind, harness that crazy into something positive.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.

Phil