Popular Professor Farnsworth Quotes
Farnsworth: My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us. With enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater. We have less than 72 hours.
Bender: Well, let's get looting!
Farnsworth: Remarkable! A stench so foul it's right off the Funk-o-Meter. I dare say Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.
Bender: Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!
Farnsworth: Eureka!
Fry: Did you build the Smellescope?
Farnsworth: No, I remembered that I'd built one last year.
Farnsworth: Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.
Bender: Yep!
Fry: No, Professor, don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was gonna give up but I never did. Never! Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up!
Farnsworth: Uh, yes, here I am, OK, now, hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects. But what if we want to smell distant objects? Well now we can! Thanks to my new invention ... the Smellescope.
Man: Oh, I say!
Farnsworth: The odour travels past this coffee stain here, around the olive pit and into this cigar burn. And this appears to be a doodle of myself as a cowboy... But the Smellescope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odours you'll smell thanks to me.
Fry: Who's that jerk?
Farnsworth: A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University. But then, after one fateful pop-quiz...
Flashback
Wernstrom: A-minus? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus!
Farnsworth: I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.
Wernstrom: I swear I'll have my revenge even if it takes me a hundred years.
Flashback ends
Farnsworth: And here it is: Slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.
Farnsworth: Behold! The death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this read-out tells you exactly how long you have left to live.
Leela: Does it really work?
Farnsworth: Well it's occasionally off by a few seconds. What with free will and all.
Fry: Sounds like fun. How long do I have left to live?
He puts his finger in the hole and the clock dings
Bender: Ooh! Dibs on his CD player!
Farnsworth: It's the Academy of Inventors' annual symposium.
Fry: Wow! I love symposia.
Farnsworth: It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the Academy prize.
Bender: Sounds boring.
Farnsworth: Oh, my, yes.
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. Tomorrow you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.
Hermes: Why can't they go today?
Farnsworth: Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive.
Farnsworth: But suppose we send a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line betwen this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.
Military Man: In theory, it could work.
Wernstrom: Uh, in theory, perhaps. But you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous.
Bender: Oh crap!
Wernstrom: And what will you be presenting this evening, grandpa?
Farnsworth: Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place!
Wernstrom: I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year.
Farnsworth: Uh, last year, you say?
Wernstrom: That's right.
Farnsworth: Oh, my! Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?
Wernstrom: Hardly! We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.
Farnsworth: Oh, dear, I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of death clock!
Fry: So I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.
Prof. Farnsworth: Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance, interested in becoming my new spaceship crew?
Bender: New crew? W-What happened to the old crew?
Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, those poor sons of - but that's not important. The important thing is I need a new crew.
