You know, I thought cleaning out a dead professor's office was gonna just be boring, but then I found his dentures and realized it's also gross.

Ever since I saw Pretty in Pink, I've wanted to go to an American prom. But then I saw Carrie, and I did not want to go to an American prom. But then I saw Never Been Kissed, and I'm back on the prom bandwagon. This prom thing's been a real roller coaster.

Howard: They're not dating. They're just two friends who went out to dinner.
Raj: And then went back to the home they share where they probably fell asleep in the matching pajamas she got them because they both just love penguins.
Howard: Hey, lots of people wear matching pajamas who aren't dating.
Raj: Like who?
Howard: Like you and your dog.
Leonard: Don't rule out the dating.

Raj: You think he bites?
Howard: Stick your hand in there and find out.
Raj: You fooled me with that goat at the petting zoo. You will not fool me again.

Raj: I was trying to help you! And at the first sign of trouble you ran away, leaving me to fend off a family of rats! You're a completely selfish human being and a... and a physical and a moral coward!
Sheldon: His statements of the obvious continue to annoy.

Raj: So, as Hannah Montana, Miley was a world-famous pop star.But then she would take off her wig and go to school like a normal girl. Which, I don't have to tell you, at that age, is its own headache.
Sheldon: That's preposterous. How would she go unrecognized
just by wearing a wig?
Raj: But you're okay with Superman concealing his identity with a pair of glasses?
Sheldon: He doesn't just put on a pair of glasses. He combs back his curlicue and affects a mild-mannered personality.

Raj: It's also a live mine, so there'll be dynamite explosions going off in the distance.
Sheldon: Yeah, I have a lactose-intolerant roommate with a taste
for ice cream. Next.
Raj: Oh, you have to be down there for 12 hours at a time.
Sheldon: Yeah? We have to be somewhere.
Raj: Well, there's no toilets-- we'll have to do our business
in a bucket.
Sheldon: So it's settled-- we're not doing it.

Raj: Hey, Sheldon, you busy?
Sheldon: I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multitasking. You know, currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture, and I'm wondering
how mermaids have babies.
Raj: Don't they lay eggs on a rock?
Sheldon: Now I've got room for another thing.

Sheldon: Are they making fun of us?
Raj: Yup.
Sheldon: I miss the old days when I couldn't tell.

Leonard: Hold on. So, your idea is to get a van and cruise the streets looking for kids to pick up?
Guys: Yes.
Leonard: And are you gonna use candy to lure them in?
Raj: We are now!

Raj: Since when do you read Social Science?
Sheldon: I go to the bathroom like everybody else.

Something just didn't seem right about Koothrapeeney.

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.