Ron Swanson Quotes
April: You're, um, Pawnee's Woman of the Year it looks like.
Ron: Oh, it's about time.
Old Woman #1: I told you so. It's Duke Silver.
Old Woman #2: Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music.
Ron: You're mistaken, ladies. Move along.
Justin: Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
Leslie: For our nooner, which is a cute word!
Ron: Explain it to her later.
Leslie: Explain what?
Phil: Were you aware that all the entertainment and food was provided by rec center teachers?
Ron: Would I have stayed if I knew that?
Phil: I don't know. Would you have?
Ron: Would you have?
Phil: No. I wouldn't have. Did you hear Leslie make any promises?
Ron: What constitutes a promise?
Phil: A quid pro quo.
Ron: Oh. Do you know Latin?
Phil: OK. Thank you, Ron.
Ron: Are we done?
If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?
Ron: How many courses will there be?
Leslie: Not including dessert.
Ron: So five courses.
Leslie: Yes, now it will be five courses.
The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.
After I got home, I drank six more glasses of whiskey and then I finished crafting this mall harp, using a bandsaw, a spokeshave and an oscillating spindle sander.
Swansons have a preternaturally high tolerance for alcohol. My old man used to put Wild Turkey on his cornflakes.
I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.
I wanna punch you in the face so bad right now.
OK good, because I have to run a public forum, supervise the maintenance crews and teach crafts at the senior center. Simultaneously.