April: You're, um, Pawnee's Woman of the Year it looks like.
Ron: Oh, it's about time.

Old Woman #1: I told you so. It's Duke Silver.
Old Woman #2: Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music.
Ron: You're mistaken, ladies. Move along.

Justin: Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
Leslie: For our nooner, which is a cute word!
Ron: Explain it to her later.
Leslie: Explain what?

Phil: Were you aware that all the entertainment and food was provided by rec center teachers?
Ron: Would I have stayed if I knew that?
Phil: I don't know. Would you have?
Ron: Would you have?
Phil: No. I wouldn't have. Did you hear Leslie make any promises?
Ron: What constitutes a promise?
Phil: A quid pro quo.
Ron: Oh. Do you know Latin?
Phil: OK. Thank you, Ron.
Ron: Are we done?

If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?

Ron: How many courses will there be?
Leslie: Three
Ron: Hmm?
Leslie: Four.
Ron: Hmm.
Leslie: Not including dessert.
Ron: So five courses.
Leslie: Yes, now it will be five courses.

The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.

After I got home, I drank six more glasses of whiskey and then I finished crafting this mall harp, using a bandsaw, a spokeshave and an oscillating spindle sander.

Swansons have a preternaturally high tolerance for alcohol. My old man used to put Wild Turkey on his cornflakes.

I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.

I wanna punch you in the face so bad right now.

OK good, because I have to run a public forum, supervise the maintenance crews and teach crafts at the senior center. Simultaneously.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April