Ron: Leslie, what do we do when we get this angry?
Leslie: We count backwards from 1,000 by sevens and we think of warm brownies.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron: I suffer from a disorder called Sleep Fighting.
Leslie: Wow, must be terrible.
Ron: Only when I'm losing.

I have to nap up. If I don't get a solid five, it kills my sunny disposition.

April was supposed to be the moat that kept the citizen barbarians away from Swanson castle. Instead she blew up the castle and stabbed me in the face.

Ron: How are we doing?
Andy: Pretty good. I may have promised a new aquatic center to somebody. Is that a problem?
Ann: I diagnosed two melanomas. They're both benign.

Citizen: So your department banned me from attending games just because I yell "you suck" at the players.
Ron: According to the complaint, you yelled it at 5-year-old girls.
Citizen: Who suck! Why is that so hard to understand!

Ron: I need anyone with a pulse and a brain to pitch in.
Jerry: Ron, do you need help with anything?
Ron: No, we're good. Thanks. In fact, you can head home early.

Round up whoever's free. I'm going to need more Ron Swansons.

Ron: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmare-ish hellscape. However to Leslie Knope-
Leslie: Oh how fun!
April: Yay.

A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office.

Ron: No, I'm bringing my workshop up to the Swanson code. And if the Swanson code happens to overlap with the city government code...
Mark: Shut up!

Parks & Rec Quotes

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Last week I was in clue in the Pawnee paper crossword puzzle. The clue? "Who's the worst?"

Leslie