Nick, we're making sex.

That was painful Nick! That's like watching Cece make a bed.

I simply want a demographic breakdown of all the guys who hit on you.

This woman is engaged. Her number belongs to God now, thank you.

I may have your entire life planned out on my computer. I made a spreadsheet and everything. I worked on it this morning.

You're my best friend in the whole world. We've been through a lot together so I just do feel like your sperm are partly my sperm.

They're reaching into your skin wallet. Your scrotum.

Nick: I'm trying my hardest to look poor.
Winston: You are poor.

Why are you putting spoons in the laundry hamper?

You have the focus of a coked up Italian on a summer day!

I'm not willing to turn our home into a public pool.

Schmidt: Oh good lord! I'm marrying Nick.
Jess: Duh.

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New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick