If pot were a piano, Nick would be a 9-year-old Chinese girl.

Now, I'm gonna go do a deep-ass mouthwash.

Where did all that hair come from? You're a lioness!

I am rugged, semtic prince!

We are all five hooking up tonight, including the gimp!

Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams.

I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.

Nick: My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups.
Schmidt: That seems like a lie.

Well, this just in, the dress code for Winston's banquet tonight is...optional.

You would not know a sex blink if it blinked you in the sex!

It's MY garden party, and Zachary Quinto is not on the list!

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick