Quit sorting through my trash, Coach! You're messing it all up!

What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it is dangerous and can cut you

Jess, can I borrow your glasses? We're going to roleplay as you guys.

Crazy girls are kind of my 'Hurt Locker.'

I just need to get to Rachel before he tells her horrible-slash-true things about me.

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Fellas, you made it! As promised, here's a coupon for a free sub.

Prince is terrible at Frisbee.

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Nick: Do you know any time-consuming, free activities in Griffith Park?
Schmidt: Gross! Suicide?

Winston: So...where do you do the marketing?
Schmidt: Oh, Winston. So naive, so sweet. We do the marketing EVERYWHERE!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"