Save your groans for Bird Man!
Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.
Schmidt: I know this might seem crazy and probably a little bit impulsive, but it's not, not for me. I've known since the minute that I've met you.
Cece: Oh god, you're going to say something stupid, aren't you?
Schmidt: Girl, will you marry me?
Cece: Yes. Yes, yes, yes!
Jess: We're getting married!
Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.
Schmidt: Come on Gina, give me a shot at red potatoes.
Gina: No way cause I need ya. You're the best sort of mid-level employee I've ever had. You are the ass to my horse and I'm gonna keep you right here, right by my side where I can find ya, forever.
We'll be celebrating Bangsgiving!
Winston, you go to the driving range just to watch?
Oh my god! Will you not stop till the whole world is arosed?
Jess: Are you insane, Schmidt? I'm not ready. That's like taking a musical from rehearsal straight to Broadway. You gotta workshop it first!
Schmidt: If you are for one second suggesting that I don't know how to open a musical, how dare you!
The point of dating is just... to keep on dating and then never stop—like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.
Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?
Over the next 1,000 minutes, your notions of dating will be challenged. ... If you're saying things like 'Dreamy Eyes' to my face, then we have more work to do than the Kings of Leon. Good band, but it feels like they are stuck in one place musically.