Favorite Susan Mayer Quotes
Dahlia: Punish the sin, love the sinner.
Susan: Yeah, well, with Karl I was more, divorce the ass and seize the assets.
Susan: Mike, you saved our lives. (Mike pulls Susan's cheese out of his back pocket) And our cheese! Ian, can you believe it? Mike saved our cheese!
Ian: Yes, yes, he's quite the hero.
Mike: (smirking) Good thing I was following ya.
Lawyer: "To my dearest Susie Q. Who endured my infidelities far longer than she should have, years of cheating, betrayals almost from the day we were married...
Susan: Can we just skip to the part where I get stuff?
Susan: Oh, God, you scared me.
Mike: How'd it go?
Susan: It went just peachy, and humiliating, and shocking.
Mike: Susan...
Susan: How could you? God, "Susan, do you trust me?" "Yes, of course I do." Oh, I'm such an idiot, and you're such a liar. Oh, and apparently a killer, and a drug dealer. That's just quite a personal ad you've got going there.
Mike: Susan, I came to Wisteria Lane--
Susan: Stop! Stop, Mike, just stop. If you keep talking, you're gonna work your way into my heart and I just don't want you anywhere near my heart. Ever
Susan: Well, so, in your mind, is the date off?
Mike: Well, you snooped around my house and went through my stuff. Uh, yeah, in my book that's pretty much a deal breaker.
Susan: Hold on a minute, now. I started snooping around because I found all that money by accident. And, and then, I found a gun. Are you a drug dealer or something?
Mike: Is that what you think?
Susan: Well, I wouldn't know because you never let me in. You know, there's this whole part of your life that you keep completely walled off.
Mike: I have a gun for protection, I keep cash for emergencies. I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that. I'm, I'm not obligated to share every little detail of my life with you.
Susan: Well, every little detail is one thing. You know, weird creepy secrets, that's another.
Mike: You know what, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me.
Susan: Well, maybe we shouldn't be dating.
Mike: Maybe we shouldn't.
Susan: Do you mean that?
Mike: Yeah.
Susan: Well, I hope that your, you know, little secret keeps you warm at night because you're throwing something really great away to protect it!
Come on, this is my chance! My aunt had a stroke while driving. When am I gonna get that lucky again?!?
Susan: You fantasize about other men when you're with Carlos?
Gabrielle: Honey, Carlos has been so many different men, I'm actually surprised when I open my eyes and it's Carlos.
How come you never told us you were sleeping with Tommy Tripod?
Karl: Susie, Susie!
Susan: Our marriage was garbage! Stupid, disgusting pile of garbage!
Karl: No, no, don't say that.
Susan: And I regret everything that came of it!
Karl: Don't do this right now.
Susan: Ugh! (to Julie) Except you, honey. You're my rock. (to Karl) Ooh, out! Get out!
Karl: I promise you I'm gonna break up with Edie and make this right. I'll call you when it's done.
Susan: Don't bother! I won't pick up.
Mike: Why is there a big ass piano in our house?
Susan: Actually, Big Ass stopped making pianos. This is a Yamaha.
Karl: You're dating some British guy named Ian.
Susan: How did that come up?
Austin: I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was a big secret.
Karl: When you said it was true love with you and the plumber I was a good guy, I stepped aside and now you're on to someone else.
Susan: Big picture Karl. (pointing at Austin) His hand up our daughter's shirt.
Karl: Don't change the subject.
Susan: That is the subject.
(At Gabrielle's house)
Edie: You know when Karl dumped you Susan, I thought that it was all your fault. Yeah, I figured that you were a nag or bad in bed. But now, but now I see that you were just a victim too. We have a bond, Susan. Like we're sisters. There's even a pretty one and an ugly one.
Bree: Edie!
Edie: Oh I'm just saying that Karl screwed us both!
Susan: Yes, like you wouldn't believe.
