Susan Mayer Quotes
Susan: Julie? Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night.
Julie: He did? Cool.
Susan: But only I'm going. Because you're gonna come down with something semi-serious that requires bed-rest and fluids
Mike: Should I have told her we were having steak? She's not like, a vegetarian or something, is she?
Susan: Oh, no, no. Edie's definitely a carnivore
Mrs. Huber: Susan, do you have anything to contribute to the clothing drive for Edie? The poor thing is running around in next to nothing!
Susan: Oh, Mrs. Huber, I thought that was Edie's idea behind it all.
Mrs. Huber: Oh, Susan! Edie may be trash but that doesn't mean she isn't a human being!
Mike: Actually, he was my wife's dog and one of the last things she said to me in the hospital before she died was to be sure I looked after him and I promised her I would.
Mary Alice [narrating]: And just like that Susan could suddenly see something she had never seen before.
Mike: He meant so much to her.
Mary Alice: Mike Delfino was still in love with his late wife.
Mike: And if something had happened I would have felt like I failed her. I know that sounds stupid but-
Mary Alice: And she knew right then that neither she nor Edie would be laying claim to his heart anytime soon.
Susan: No it doesn't. Not at all.
Mary Alice: So she decided, for now, she could settle for just being his friend
Susan: How would you feel if I used your child support payments for plastic surgery?
Julie: You look fine.
Susan: If you could cut back to two meals a day, I could get a chemical peel
Susan: I have a clog.
Mike: Excuse me?
Susan: And you're a plumber, right?
Mike: Yeah.
Susan: The clog's in the pipe.
Mike: Yeah, that's usually where they are
Susan: Oh, I wouldn't eat that if I were you.
Mike: Why?
Susan: I made it, trust me. Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?
Mike: No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese.
Mike: Oh my God. How did you...it tastes like it's burnt and undercooked.
Susan: Yeah, I get that a lot
Julie: Ugh, you need to get back out there. Come on. How long has it been since you've had sex? Are you mad that I asked you that?
Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember.... I don't wanna talk to you about my love life anymore, it weirds me out
Julie: Stop being so nervous, you're just asking him out to dinner. It's no big deal.
Susan: You're right... So, is that your project for school? You know in 5th grade I made the white house out of sugar cubes.
Julie: Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better.
Susan: Tell me again why I fought for custody of you?
Julie: You were using me to hurt dad.
Susan: Oh, that's right
Susan: I can't believe it. This can't be happening. Mike can't like Edie better than me, he just can't!
Julie: You don't know what's going on. Maybe they're just... having dinner.
[Susan gives her a look]
Julie: You're right. They're doing it
Julie: Mom, why would someone kill themselves?
Susan: Well, sometimes people are so unhappy, they think that's the only way they can solve their problems.
Julie: But Mrs. Young always seemed happy.
Susan: Yeah. But sometimes, people pretend to be one way on the outside, when they're totally different on the inside.
Julie:Oh, you mean like how dad's girlfriend is always smiling and says nice things, but deep down, you just know she's a bitch?
Susan: I don't like that word, Julie. But yeah, that's a great example
