Susan Mayer Quotes
Edie: I'm not talking about Martha. I'm grateful to you.
Susan: Me?
Edie: Yeah, I've been such a bitch to you over the years, and here you are, rowing me out to dump her ashes.
Susan: Well, it's, it's really no, no big deal.
Edie: Yes, it is. You stepped up when nobody else would. And here I am, thinking you have an ulterior motive. God, Susan, you're such a good person. And I'm such a bitch!
Susan: Well, Edie, you're not that bad, and, and, and believe me, I'm, I'm not that good.
Edie: Oh, yes you are.
Susan: Oh, please don't do this.
Edie: Martha may be gone, but the good Lord above has shown me that I'm not alone
Mike: You know, I retract my earlier statement. I no longer love you. In fact, I just think of you as a really good buddy.
Susan: No. No, no, no. You obviously think you have some insight into my soul, so please, go ahead, dazzle me.
Mike: Your divorce left you hurt and vulnerable.
Susan: Big insight. The postman knows that.
Gabrielle: Susan, hi. Do you want to help with the seating cards?
Susan: Sure. Do you want to tell me why you had your foot in John Rowland's crotch yesterday?
Gabrielle: Oh, that. He was helping me adjust the seam in my stocking, and from your angle, it must have looked a little weird.
Susan: You're sleeping with him, aren't you?
Susan: Well, so, in your mind, is the date off?
Mike: Well, you snooped around my house and went through my stuff. Uh, yeah, in my book that's pretty much a deal breaker.
Susan: Hold on a minute, now. I started snooping around because I found all that money by accident. And, and then, I found a gun. Are you a drug dealer or something?
Mike: Is that what you think?
Susan: Well, I wouldn't know because you never let me in. You know, there's this whole part of your life that you keep completely walled off.
Mike: I have a gun for protection, I keep cash for emergencies. I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that. I'm, I'm not obligated to share every little detail of my life with you.
Susan: Well, every little detail is one thing. You know, weird creepy secrets, that's another.
Mike: You know what, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me.
Susan: Well, maybe we shouldn't be dating.
Mike: Maybe we shouldn't.
Susan: Do you mean that?
Mike: Yeah.
Susan: Well, I hope that your, you know, little secret keeps you warm at night because you're throwing something really great away to protect it!
Julie: Mom, if you've really need something to freak out about, just remember you're going to spend the night with Mike at a hotel. No man has seen you naked in years, except your doctor.
Susan: Yeah, he retired. I try not take that personally
Edie: For the record, I was rooting for you to land him.
Susan: And why would you root for me?
Edie: Well, I figured it would be easier for me to steal Mike from you than her - she seems like fun!
Edie: Hey, how was your big date?
Susan: Mike had to reschedule.
Edie: Oh. Because of the hot girl? With the suitcase? Over there? Gosh how devastating for you
Julie: Mom, you're getting too dressed up.
Susan: I know, but I wanna look really sexy.
Julie: I told Mike I expect him to have you home by eleven.
Susan: Hmm. How about midnight?
Julie: All right, but no later. You know how I worry. So, you, uh, got protection?
Susan: Oh my god. We are so not having this conversation.
Julie: We are because I enjoy being an only child.
Susan: Are you finished?
Julie: Almost. You know, I always assumed I would have sex for the first time before you would have it again.
Susan: Okay, you can leave now
Woman: So, what did everybody think?
Lynette: I thought the character of Madame Bovary was ... very inspirational.
Woman: Inspirational? She poisons herself with arsenic.
Lynette: Really?
Woman: You didn't read until the end?
Lynette: I stopped after page 50.
Woman: Am I the only one who read the book?
Susan: I saw the movie. It was really good.
Woman: Ladies! I'm sorry, but wh-wh-what is the point of having a book club if we don't read the book?
Mike: I know how this looks, but there is nothing between us. Kendra is just an old friend.
Susan: Old friend?
Mike: Yeah, you know...
Susan: Yeah. Yeah. No, actually no, I don't know. So, by old friend, do you mean college pal, bowling buddy, saved you from drowning?
Mike: It's hard to explain.
Susan: Could you give it a shot?
Julie: How am I supposed to blend in with a bunch of messed up teenagers?
Susan: I dunno, pretend you're bulimic, gag a little
Susan: How'd you get the fat lip?
Paul: The usual way; asking too many questions
