Robin: Look at me, I've sworn off relationships.Marshall: She is so about to get married.
Ted: I gotta work on my toast.
Marshall: I gotta make sure my tux fits!
Robin: I will bang your heads together like coconuts.
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Ted: She was cute.
Lily: She still is! And now you're ready.
Marshall: Yeah, man, now you can fit like three times that many chicken fingers in your mouth!
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Ted: [narrating] Kids, the secret to dating is simple. Be confident, be comfortable in your skin, be assured about who you are. Your uncle Barney was really good at that last one. Even though a lot of the time, who he was was actually someone else.
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Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Alan Thicke: Lily? Sorry I'm late. I was looking for a van.
Ted: A van costs $25 more.
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Lily: That's it. I'm coming out of retirement for one. Last. Breakup.
Ted and Marshall: YES!
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Barney: Open it open it open it open it! It's my porn collection. Wait, no it's not. That would be weird.
Ted: It's your porn collection.
Barney: It's my porn collection!
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Delivery Guy: I have a sausage pizza delivery
Ted: That sounds the start of one of Barney's videos
Delivery Guy: I don't even know if it's gonna fit in there
Ted: Now you're just quoting it
Delivery Guy: Okay someone has to take this sausage
Ted: Were you in that video?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Lily [about breaking people up]: I've gone legit I'm done with that racket, I'm now a matchmaker
Ted: Set me up with someone
Lily: Woh, I'm just starting out
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Ted: They're killing each other!
Lily: They love each other.
Ted: Barney and Robin love each other, but they're not Barney and Robin anymore. They're the fat guy and the old lady.
Marshall: My favorite '70s detective show!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 279
