Favorite Ted Mosby Quotes
Ted [pointing to a map of NYC and referring to places to avoid Stella]: Red areas, places to avoid. White areas are safe. Blue is water.
Lily: That is just ridiculous!
Robin: Well, water is blue
Narrator Ted: It was like something from an old movie, where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, "See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday."
Ted: Hey Barney, see that girl?
Barney: Oh yeeeahh, you just know she likes it dirty. Go say hi.
Lily: Ted, if you murder me and bury me in New Jersey, I'll hunt you forever.
Ted: But if I murder you and bury somewhere else?
Lily: Hey, I'll leave you alone. I'm sure you had your reasons
Barney: If that dude can bag a 9, I got to be able to bag a 16.
Ted: What's a 16?
Barney: Those two 8's right over there
Lily [about the wedding bouquet]: It's such an evil tradition.
Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
Lily: Hell, yeah! I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it to the crowd and scream, "Crawl for it, bitches!" It's just what girls do
[drunk, on phone] Hey Robin, it's Teddy Bear. Need a little honey? Rawwwr.
Ted: I just gotta bump into her somewhere. Now if only I knew her schedule, I could arrange a chance encounter.
Lily: That's great, Ted. You'll be the most casual stalker ever
Ted: I just met the perfect woman. She's funny, she's beautiful, she loves "Star Wars"...
Marshall: Woah woah woah, what's her take on Ewoks?
Ted: Loves them!
Marshall: Oh, good. I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks; the Rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks.
Ted: And get this: She's a marine biologist, she spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
Marshall: Oh, penguins are cool. Kinda like black-and-white Ewoks. I approve
[Barney and Ted discuss Halloween plans as Ted is dressed as a Hanging Chad...]
Barney: Okay, here's the plan, and I crap you not. I am getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.
Ted: We can get rejected by supermodels any day of the year. Tonight, I'm gonna go up tp the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin. It's just what I do.
Ted: Barney, I am going to kill you.
Barney: Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool
Ted: Gee, is that ice cream cone big enough?
Robin: Uhhh, it's delicious enough
Robin: Oh, my God. You've been robbed.
Ted: Nope. Just got rid of all my old girlfriend stuff.
Robin: All that stuff was from your exes? Didn't you buy any stuff of your own?
Ted: What can I say? Papi got swag.
