Favorite Ted Mosby Quotes
Barney: Is the aggregate age of all participants under 83?
Ted: Yes.
Barney: Is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds?
Ted: Yes.
Barney: Theodore Mosby... are you paying these women?
Ted: What? No!
Barney: This is so lame.
Ted: Lame . . . or casual?
Barney: Lame.
Ted: . . . or casual?
Ted: Robin, could I hear yours?
Robin: "Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia', not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey—and that's 'douch-ey', not 'douch-ay'."
Ted: Yeah, you already read that one at my Pronunciation intervention. Where's the letter about Stella?
Robin: I didn't write one. I'm your ex-girlfriend. I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares?
Robin: I don't know, Ted. I mean, we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look, and it's like-
Ted: Like what?
Robin: Like, let's fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice.
Ted: I'm not going to force sports onto them unless they're interested
I have to think of ways to put my wood into Bilson's dark atrium
Marshall: Ted, Karen's a douche.
Ted: Wow, thanks for sugar-coating it.
Marshall: "Douche" is sugar-coating it
Ted: Have fun on your double date.
Lily: For the last time, I'm sorry, there was a lull.
[flashback to the bar]
Gael: Then, we lay on the beach and counted the stars.
Lily: Do you wanna have dinner with me - us?
[flash back to present]
Marshall: There was no lull. You just think he's incredibly hot.
Lily: No, I don't! Not incredibly.
Ted: Great I'm gonna need you to call her for me.
Barney: You know I won't.
Ted: Why not?
Barney: Because we just hooked up last night. I can't call the girl the next day, I have to wait at least like...forever, Oh Snap! Never gonna call her
Ted: I don't go to your country and try to seduce women with my sexy accent.
Barney: Of course not, Persian nightclub owner
Ted: Oh my God! I have a tattoo!
Barney: That's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
Ted: Tramp stamp?
Barney: You know, a hoe tag, ass antlers, a Panama City license plate
Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you. Last night, I ate the best cake of my life. Do you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and I'm gonna get some more cake.
Ted: That cake really got to you?
Marshall: It haunts me.
Robin: I think I like your olive theory.
Ted: I think I like your new French horn.
Robin: I think I like your nose.
Ted: I think I'm in love with you
