Popular Ted Mosby Quotes
Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.
You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.Ted
Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square
Ted: What's your newest scotch?
Wendy: Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch? Don't let it touch your skin.
Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."
Here's the secret kids. None of us can vow to be perfect. In the end all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love's the best thing we do.
Barney [playing laser tag, on phone with Ted]: Hey, loser. How's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! [kid fires at Barney as he runs by] Oh, I killed you, Conner! Don't make me get your mom!
Ted: Hey, listen, I need your help on something.
Barney: Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!
Ted: Barney I really have to grade these papers.
Barney: I'm sorry. I'll let you work...But first a riddle! What piece of women's attire stokes a man's desire?
Ted: A sundress.
Barney: Correct. What lightweight outfit pink or white makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?
Ted: I really have to get this done.
Barney: Of course of course. Sundress by the way.
Ted: Chinese [food]?
Barney: I don't like Chinese.
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese.
Ted: Indian isn't Chinese.
Barney: Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese!
That guy's a dad!
He's gotten really respectful with his fake listening.
Barney: You know what would kick ass?
Ted: Being gay?
Barney: Being gay!