The Devil Quotes
Sam: She read Tarot cards?
Devil: Yeah, she was the real deal. Sold her soul to me for the power to predict the future. Earned quite a reputation for herself until the local villagers hung her from a tree for consorting with the Devil. Surprisingly perceptive for a bunch of clods with pitchforks
Sam: Are you saying they're lying?
Devil: Listen, Sammy, they're your parents and you love them. But people who make deals with me generally aren't big on integrity. You can't get blood from a stone, I'm just saying
Devil: You know, I got to say, this is one of my greatest inventions.
Sam: You invented the lottery?
Devil: You betcha. State-sponsored gambling. Minimum wage earners spending their last buck on an 18 million to one long shot. I like to call it the idiot's tax
That cage will never work on me. It might hold a demon, but come on... I'm the man!
Devil: Yeah, it took a lot of elbow grease, a lot of limbs rent from a lot of torsos. But everybody started singling like canaries. Now Hell is sealed tight as a drum. And now, if I'm not mistaken, there's a demon about pitchfork deep in Mike's ass as we speak.
Sam: Mike was just in my elevator.
Devil: Not now, Winston, not now. I'm not gonna to lie to you, Sammy. I have some serious egg on my face. You know, I'm starting to feel that maybe torture isn't the way to get what you want, you know, like maybe people just tell you what you want to hear so that you stop pulling out their fingernails
Sam: Well, if you hate him so much, why don't you just take care of him yourself?
Devil: That's not my job. Me, devil. You, minion
Devil: Sit a spell. We've only ordered apps.
Sam: Yeah, I can't. I have plans. I'm supposed to meet Andi and the guys.
Devil: Well, then isn't it nice you don't have a choice. Now sit
Sam: Pretty proud of yourself.
Devil: Heh heh. Pride is my favorite cardinal sin. You know what you have to do.
Sam: Kill Greg.
Devil: Ooh, say that again. Only this time use a Russian accent
Devil: That is my private, and I do mean private cell phone number.
Sam: What area code is this?
Devil: Phoenix
Sam: I thought you didn't believe in love?
Devil: I don't believe that humans can feel true pure love. But I know that it exists. I've experienced it myself. I'm not human, remember?
Sam: You actually loved somebody? Who? [Devil looks up] You mean God? Didn't you try to overthrow him or something.
Devil: Well, let's just say we had a little fight. I may have been a tad impetuous.
Sam: But you loved him.
Devil: With everything that I was, I loved him. And he loved all of us, too
The guy was a lawyer, of course. We have a lot of those in Hell
You don't like banana splits? What are you, some kind of Commie
