The Devil Quotes
Devil: Serious question for you. Are you a boob man, ass man, leg man? What's your preference?
Sam: I'm not having this conversation.
Devil: I've always been more of an ass man myself.
Sam: Would you stop it?
Devil: Come on, what's a little locker room talk between friends?
Sam: We're not friends
Devil [appearing from a closet]: Finally leaving the nest, huh?
Sam: Finally coming out of the closet, huh?
Devil: Oh, a homosexual joke. Very witty
Sam: Glasses?
Devil: They help you see the true face of evil. [Sam starts to put them on looking at the Devil] Ah. You don't want to do that, Sam. Trust me, unless you brought a change of underwear
Devil: And you know moms. They love talkin' about their kids.
Sam: Even when their kid's a people eater.
Devil: Well, it's just more to talk about
Devil: I don't know. There's something about the sea air. You know?
Sam: Yeah.
Devil: Maybe it's because all of life came from the sea. It's primordial, clean, fresh, and almost entirely covers up the stench of that decomposing corpse down there
Sam: I think you really cared about her.
Devil: Want to see how much I cared about her? [snaps fingers] She's dead.
Sam: What?
Devil: That's right. With the snap of my fingers, Mimi just got hit by a bus. Gruesome. Can't tell her from the pavement. And that's on you, buddy.
Sam: You sick son of a...
Devil: Oh, calm down, hero. I'm screwing with you. Mimi's fine
Devil: I made no promises. My conscience is clear.
Sam: You don't have a conscience.
Devil: Oh yeah, that's right, what a break
Devil [at a funeral]: I enjoy spending time at these... ceremonies.
Sam: Right.
Devil: Yes, people start asking questions. "Why would God do this?" "Is there even a God?" I like to be here and try and provide some answers
Sam: Why do you have to do that?
Devil: Well, it's kind of in my nature. You know, "Supreme Spirit of Evil" and all that?
Sam: Yeah, kind of like your nature to be an A-hole.
Devil: Oh, that's beneath you, Sam. You know names hurt
Devil: I need you to go handle some plumbing.
Sam: What, so now I'm your handy man? That's not part of the deal.
Devil: Actually it is. I own you, Sam. If I ask you to take out the garbage in Hell, that's what you'll do
Sam: There's no way you're being this nice to me.
Devil: Hey, I'm not Ted. What a dick
I am sorry, Sammy. I never should have pushed that whole Taylor thing on you....I had no idea you were a homosexual. "We should just slow it down a little?" You hear that? That's the sound of every man in the world laughing at you
