Venture Brothers

Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon Network
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they're henchmen, you don't explain to to them. They do your bidding. When you say jump, they say, "what shark?"

The Monarch: Sweet! So let's go with my plan to cover his compound in sticky hot sugar! Leaving him and his family to be devoured by ants! And those little ones...
Henchman 21: You mean gnats?
The Monarch: No.
Henchman 21: Chiggers?
The Monarch: Chiggers!
Monstroso: No, that plan was stupid. My plan is clean, elegant, classic. We take him down as one would take down a Mafia don. Cigar?
The Monarch: No! So then we're going with my plan to just put him in a bag and beat him with a rake?
Monstroso: No, that was also stupid.

Henchman 21: What's the password?
The Monarch: I forgot. Oh, wait, I remember. I'm the fucking Monarch! Let me in now!

Dr. Girlfriend [about Captain Sunshine]: What'd he do to you
The Monarch: The usual he threw me in jail. He literally threw me right into the yard of the state prison and he shouts up to the warden, "looks like this one won't be causing any more trouble." Then he flies off with this gay salute
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh my god
The Monarch: Apparently he's never heard of due process

Henchman 21, there's a taxi idling in the driveway awaiting his fair... slay him!

The Monarch: How long have we been trying to kill this schmuck, ten, twenty years?
Dr. Girlfriend: I dunno, since Marky Mark had a funk bunch?
The Monarch: Do you want to know how to really hurt Venture?
Dr. Girlfriend: Not really, but as a wife I try and be supportive
The Monarch: In the pocketbook!

The Monarch: Time to pay the piper, Venture, for admitted to my mega pillar silky issue will destroy the only living proof you've had sex, unless you give me ten million dollars
Dr. Venture: Since when did you start arching for money?

You boys don't want to end up in here. This place is full of animals... no, Hank, I don't mean King Gorilla. In a place like this, you'd be eaten alive... no, I'm not talking about Mecha-Mouth

You're probably wondering why you're here. You're here because you done fucked up too many times! You think you're hot shit in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup. And if you keep up like you've been doing, this is where you're headed

The Monarch: What's your name?
Dean: Dean Ven-
The Monarch: Your name is bitch!! And I own you. You're property! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole god drilled in your slender frame...King Gorilla! You got a cigarette? There. I just sold you for a cigarette. And I don't smoke! (double take) Holy s***! You're Dean f***ing Venture! King, I gotta buy my bitch back. H-here's your cigarette.
King Gorilla: F*** you, gimme a dollar

Dr. Girlfriend: You should have replaced his blood with acid after this part. The sharks won't touch him.
Monarch: Thanks, Dr. Girlfriend, now you tell me. Lower the giant hairdryer!

Monarch: Well, Hank...what's it like to be a... liar?!? Huh? You like being a liar, with pants constantly on fire?!
Tiny Attorney: Objection, your Honor! Leadin'.
Monarch: I'll rephrase that. Hank, are you a liar?
Hank: No sir, I don't think so.
Monarch: Yes you are!
Dean: You're the liar!
Monarch: And may I remind you that I am rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 39 in total

Venture Bros. Quotes

Hank: You are not the boss of me
Sgt Hatred: Au contraire, I am tony danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano. I am full on Charles In Charge of you

Hank: Is it just me or does every Nazi want to clone Hitler? It's like the only they think about
Srgt. Hatred: It seems that way, right. I guess when everyone hates you, you just fixate on making rotten Hitlers