Bishop: By all means, stretch your legs, Tim. Keep the monotony out of monogamy.
Tony: By cheating?
Bishop: No. Just words.
McGee: Elaborate.
Bishop: Harmless practice for later use on your actual flirt. Practice makes perfect. Look, what I'm saying is....
Gibbs: Keep the tool sharp.
Bishop: See, Gibbs knows what I'm talking about.
Gibbs: Ah, I got no idea.

McGee: I don't trust him.
Tony: With Delilah.
McGee: With the case. And frankly that too. I mean they work together, I guess it's possible they're just friendly.
Tony: Totally.
McGee: But...
Tony: You want me to speculate?
McGee: No. I mean just because the birds and bees are in the same room doesn't necessarily mean that there's.....pollination.
Tony: Did you pass health class?

Tony: Tim. How many times have you tried to contact Delilah in the last twelve hours?
McGee: Texts? Couple. All right, a dozen. But I only called six times.
Tony: What?
McGee: And left messages.
Tony: Honey.
McGee: I know.
Tony: I know you know but you're scaring her. That's not good. Women want the illusion of being chased. They don't want to actually be chased.

McGee: Do you want to break up?
Delilah: No.
McGee: Well, me neither.
Delilah: But are we?
McGee: It sure sounds like it, yeah.

McGee: Why did you move half way around the world?
Delilah: Why did you let me?
McGee: Because I love you.
Delilah: I know.

Delilah: Rule number 9. I listen. You and I on the other hand...we need to work on our communication.
McGee [kisses her]: Hello.
Delilah: Hi.

Bishop: So why did Linda leave him?
Tony: She probably got clued into his line of work.
Bishop: I thought he was a businessman.
Tony: Ha.
McGee: Well he calls himself an entrepreneur. But he's kind of more like a head-hunter who finds rich people, by--
Tony: It's okay Tim, you can say it. My dad is a con man.
Bishop: What? But he's so---
Tony: Handsome? Charismatic? Right place, right time? Exactly.

McGee: You know, maybe you should give him an activity. It'll occupy his mind. Pretend like nothing's wrong?
Bishop: Like you do for Tony when he's depressed?
McGee: Yeah.
Tony: You do?
McGee: Oh yeah. When Ziva stayed in Israel?
Tony: Oh yeah. You asked me to help me replace that Tron wallpaper in your bedroom with the new Star Wars stuff.
McGee: Worked like a charm.

Senior: You know the idea of Linda and I getting married, I felt it made Junior really proud.
McGee: Yeah it did.
Senior: Ever since he was born, I've been chasing this moment where I walk into a room and he announces me with his head held high. I just can't seem to earn it. I really miss Linda.
McGee: You know, maybe you could try promising her that you know, that you won't do it anymore.
Senior: Won't do what?
McGee: The questionable stuff.
Senior: Questionable stuff?
McGee: Well yeah, I mean you know -- the conning stuff.
Senior: Conning? Linda thinks that I'm conning somebody?
McGee: No. I don't know. Tony said that Linda might have left because of your conning.
Senior: She left because she met an architect with fancy glasses who bought her a ticket to Acapulco. Is that what Junior tells people? That I'm a con artist?
McGee: I'm sorry. I should get back to the office. Sorry.

McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

Bishop: Well, family first. Not to mention your brave suggestion. He might just be too close.
Tony: Are you mocking me?
Bishop: Well, he obviously took it to heart.
Tony: Okay. Number one - that's adorable. And number two - Gibbs would never bail on a case much less a Sergei case much much less at my suggestion.
McGee: Unless he had a plan.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

Well tie me up and call me Loretta.

Fornell