McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

Bishop: Well, family first. Not to mention your brave suggestion. He might just be too close.
Tony: Are you mocking me?
Bishop: Well, he obviously took it to heart.
Tony: Okay. Number one - that's adorable. And number two - Gibbs would never bail on a case much less a Sergei case much much less at my suggestion.
McGee: Unless he had a plan.

Abby: It's okay. Breena's fine. Breathe. Good. Now hurry up and get to the hospital because Breena is in labor.
McGee: Jimmy? Did you hear what she said? She just said Breena's having a baby. I think you broke him.

Tony: Hey. You haven't said a word to me since we left the office.
McGee: I've been trying to figure out what you're up to.
Tony: Me?
McGee: Yeah. You've been acting so, you know, nice. You haven't abused me in days.
Tony: If you would like me to abuse you, I will abuse you.

McGee: You're seeing someone.
Tony: Huh. I wish.
McGee: Oh please, come on. Dog lady was hitting on you like crazy, she's super cute and...
Tony: Twenty-two years old.
McGee: Since when has that ever stopped you?

Zoe: Relax, Spider. They know about us.
Tony: Who knows?
Everyone: We all know.
Gibbs: It's about time. Geeze.
Tony: How did you find out?
McGee: We're trained investigators, my friend.
Zoe: And in honor of us coming out, Tony is going to buy everyone drinks.
Tony: I am?
Zoe: Yeah. You are. C'mon. Get your coat.
Tony: Yeah, boss.

Gibbs: McGee!
McGee: Boss I did not say anything. I don't know how everyone seems to know.
Gibbs: Know what? There is nothing to know. Got that?
McGee: Got it.

Bishop: These murders are all very personal to you. And occurred when someone else personal showed up.
Tony: Your ex-wife.
Gibbs: Rebecca?
Tony: Yeah
Gibbs: Rebecca isn't involved.
McGee: Boss you gotta admit, the timing's kind of interesting.
Gibbs: Look look look: she is totally unstable. Completely disrespectful. Untrustworthy. She's a liar....but she's no killer.

Suffering the consequences of the rules is like being sent to your room without dinner. You know dad when you did that, mom always brought me a grilled ham and cheese twenty minutes later.

Heidi: Those are sorry excuses for personal computers. Nice monitors.
McGee: They're government issued.
Heidi: By the First Continental Congress?

It just occurred to me that rules number 3, 8, 36 and 40 are the same thing. With two rule number 1s and two number 3s I'm starting to question that these are honest mistakes. Is Gibbs making up these rules as he goes? Do all parents?

NCIS Quotes

Cabot: As you know, the Navy is trying harder than ever to eradicate sexual assault in their ranks.
Gibbs: Was Ensign Tate a rape suspect?
Cabot: Right to the point, as always. No Gibbs, Tate was a second-party complainant. He reported an assault on behalf of a friend.

McGee: I should have been here when you woke up.
Delilah: You're here now.