Rousseau: You ask about the United States. You ask the wrong questions.
McGee: Then why don't you set me straight.
Rousseau: When you plan a big party, there are many details to discuss over many lines. It is impossible to keep them secret. You left the party to be with me today, no? I'm sorry you're missing our contribution to the fun.
McGee: Guard! I need a phone!

McGee: Gorney, need a towel or a fan over there?
Ned: You try navigating this gauntlet, Timmy boy. Feels like I just spent hours running through catacombs to kill a dragon-priest only to step outside and have another dragon riding right on my tail.
McGee: It's an obscure Skyrim reference boss that actually makes perfect sense.
Gibbs: Thank you elf-lord. What did you find, dragon-priest?

Tony: You must have had a rough childhood. Normally I would take great pleasure in breaking a clown like you down nice and slow. But considering that you conspired with a terrorist and you are responsible for the torture and murder of a United States Marine, I'm a little pissed off and pressed for time.
Ashmore: Hey good cop. You wanna step in here?
McGee: You're on your own.

McGee: You guys tell Gibbs where you're going?
Tony: Well I'm senior agent and you're Mcnot. I can take the initiative.

Tony: All right McGee, you've been pouting the whole car ride. Let's hear it.
McGee: Two years, huh?
Tony: I don't want to hear it.
McGee: You've been working on this op for two years and you never said anything.
Tony: Well, it was, what do you call it? Oh yeah. Classified.
McGee: Oh come on. How many times have I hacked classified data and shared it with you?
Tony: Forty-seven times.
McGee: Yeah, it's---you know what, that's probably right. But you prove my point.
Tony: Which is?
McGee: I can't trust you anymore.

McGee: How do I know you're not working on another secret op?
Tony: How do I know you're not working on another secret op? Are you working on another secret op? McGee.
McGee: Hurts, doesn't it?

Bishop: By all means, stretch your legs, Tim. Keep the monotony out of monogamy.
Tony: By cheating?
Bishop: No. Just words.
McGee: Elaborate.
Bishop: Harmless practice for later use on your actual flirt. Practice makes perfect. Look, what I'm saying is....
Gibbs: Keep the tool sharp.
Bishop: See, Gibbs knows what I'm talking about.
Gibbs: Ah, I got no idea.

McGee: I don't trust him.
Tony: With Delilah.
McGee: With the case. And frankly that too. I mean they work together, I guess it's possible they're just friendly.
Tony: Totally.
McGee: But...
Tony: You want me to speculate?
McGee: No. I mean just because the birds and bees are in the same room doesn't necessarily mean that there's.....pollination.
Tony: Did you pass health class?

Tony: Tim. How many times have you tried to contact Delilah in the last twelve hours?
McGee: Texts? Couple. All right, a dozen. But I only called six times.
Tony: What?
McGee: And left messages.
Tony: Honey.
McGee: I know.
Tony: I know you know but you're scaring her. That's not good. Women want the illusion of being chased. They don't want to actually be chased.

McGee: Do you want to break up?
Delilah: No.
McGee: Well, me neither.
Delilah: But are we?
McGee: It sure sounds like it, yeah.

McGee: Why did you move half way around the world?
Delilah: Why did you let me?
McGee: Because I love you.
Delilah: I know.

Delilah: Rule number 9. I listen. You and I on the other hand...we need to work on our communication.
McGee [kisses her]: Hello.
Delilah: Hi.

NCIS Quotes

Gibbs: Why use kids?
Rousseau: Why do fish swim? For the same reason disenfranchised children rise up to find their purpose. They simply must. It is inevitable.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.