McGee: Sometimes I think you prefer being alone.
Tony: We all have to live with our decisions, Tim.

I'm confused. Are you having trouble building a case against me? Do you need the Navy's help?

Katz

McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.

Bishop: We're about to go live. What are you guys talking about?
McGee and Tony: Star Wars.

Tony: He's a dead man. Bishop's the last person you'd expect to slit someone's throat in their sleep.
McGee: Which would make her the first.
Tony: Now you're catching on.
Bishop: You know I can hear every word you're saying.
Tony: That's impossible. I'm whispering.

Tony: I got it. You dumped Jake.
McGee: Like a hot potato.
Tony: Dumped him.

Tony: Name of the boat is crucial. I had mine picked out for years. Go ahead, you'll never guess.
McGee: The Codfather.
Tony: We've been working together too long.

McGee: You know I once dated a girl who had pteronophobia.
Tony: What is that?
McGee: A fear of being tickled with a feather.
Tony: That's interesting. Kinky. Wait a minute. You haven't dated that many people. Do I know this person? Is it Delilah?
McGee: No. It's not Delilah.
Tony: Is it Abby? It is! It's Abby!
McGee: Listen. She will kill me, okay? You have to promise, promise that you will not tell her.
Tony: I promise. You have my word as a gentleman, I promise.

Green: Is this THE DiNozzo?
Malone: In person.
Green: Hey, you are a legend around here. I've heard a lot of wild stories about you. Tell me about the naked bust. That's not true.
Tony: That is 100% true.
McGee: So who was naked, you or the perp?
Tony: Both of us. I was undercover at a nudist colony.
Malone: See we got this tip. Pole dancer was stealing from her boss, so she's hiding out in a nudist colony. DiNozzo volunteers to go undercover.
McGee: Of course he does.
Green: Is it true you spotted her right away but didn't make the arrest for two days?
Tony: Three days.

Tony: Bish is in the cone of silence. Do you know who she's talking to?
McGee: Jake, I think. Obviously something she doesn't want us to hear.
Tony: She seems a little down. Think maybe I should talk to her.
McGee: Leave her be.
Tony: Maybe she's in need of a little brotherly advice.

McGee: Bishop have you not noticed how extra quiet Gibbs has been, lately?
Tony: See, he's on about this. I don't agree with you.
Bishop: Lately?
Tony: Thank you

McGee: Jeanne Benoit? Really? Wow.
Bishop: All I got out of Tony was "good friends" but I know there's more.
McGee: Oh, there's more, believe me. There's so much more I don't even know where to start.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.