Favorite Toby Flenderson Quotes
I would start at the beginning, but I think I need to go farther back.
Toby: Michael, we are only allowed to talk about Meredith's work performance. We can not ask her to stop drinking.
Michael: I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.
Meredith: I'm not an alcoholic.
Michael: Yeah, obviously you are.
Toby: [watches Ryan bite his string cheese] Wow, you just dive right in.
Ryan: You know, around age 12, I just started going for it.
Michael: I know what you wanna ask me, did your mom ever see you naked?
Toby: We can do this with more privacy.
Michael: So you can molest me? Okay, I don't think so. We're gonna keep the blinds open so everyone can see what a big failure you are.
Dwight: Since when have you known Darryl to rush to do anything, other than to come up here for birthday cake? [lowers voice] "Y'all havin' birthday cake?"
Toby: That's not a very good Darryl.
[to Darryl's sister] Hey you a$$hole! You eat all that dog food yourself!?!
Toby: I just wanted to let you know that I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael: Oh because you've been on the lam? Because the boring police have been after you? And they finally caught up with you?
Toby: Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.
Michael: That was the worst joke ever.
Toby: Why would you need relocation if you already live in Scranton?
Ray Romano: Well I'd wanna move further away, ya know. Don't want any chance to run into my co-workers outside the office.
Not everybody has what we have.
Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out 'cause I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R.
Dwight: You said we could come to you if we had any questions. (Pause) Where is the clitoris? On a website it says "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? (Pause) What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
