Toby Flenderson Quotes
Toby: Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it.
Pam: Oh! No, you should go.
Toby: Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art.
The simple solution would be to open a window... if we had... windows that could open.
Toby: Hey I need to talk to you right now.
Michael: Not now, not ever.
Toby: About you and Jan.
Michael: Aww, none of your business.
Toby: Wish it were true, but it, it uh, seems from that photo that you took, you've entered into an intimate relationship.
Michael: That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me you went on my computer and stole that photo, then I am going to call the cops.
Toby: Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife... we don't talk now.
Michael: This is probably the icebreaker you need.
Toby: You know, for your own protection, you should disclose the relationship to HR.
Michael: I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv.
Toby: All right, if you're having a relationship with your superior, you must disclose it.
Michael: No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that. Just two like souls having a romantic time in the most romantic place on earth. Got enough, weirdo?
Toby: All right, thanks Michael.
Michael: OK.
Dwight: What was your mile time?
Toby: About seven.
Dwight: I could beat that on a skateboard.
Toby: Well, that has wheels.
Dwight: Yeah, well, my feet don't. And I could still crush that time.
Toby: Michael, uh, we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
Michael: You knew about this all along, didn't you?
Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor.
Michael: I call everybody faggy. Why would anyone find that offensive?
Toby: I think Oscar would like it if you just used "lame" or something.
Michael: But that's what faggy means!
I'm gonna chase this feeling.
Toby
Michael: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby?
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children, since it's uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, Hooters is catering, and is that - is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it... not that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be.
Michael: In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair.
Toby: You can't do that.
Michael: I can test anyone randomly. And I have chosen you, randomly.
Toby: That's not random.
Michael: Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with?
Toby: Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.
Michael: Yes, it is.
Toby: No, it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or flavored...
Michael: Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, could you take this down?
Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
Toby: [watches Ryan bite his string cheese] Wow, you just dive right in.
Ryan: You know, around age 12, I just started going for it.
