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Parks-and-recreation

Have you seen Ann? You know how hot she is? Men give women of that caliber speed boats, private jets. Not computer bags.

Leslie: Our tree lighting ceremony will be simulcast on Internet radio.
Tom: That's a really big deal.
Leslie: It is. Thank you.
Tom: Listening to that tree lighting's gonna be dop

There isn't a woman alive who doesn't love diamonds. Even the super left wing chicks who saw Blood Diamond and cried. When they get a diamond, they like, "yeah, bitch, get more of them blood diamonds. Make 'em extra bloody."

Leslie: How could there possibly still be glitter on me?
Tom: It takes forever to get off. My crotch looks like a disco ball.

You know those hangover pills you can order on TV? I threw up a bunch of them this morning. I feel much better.

Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce. But now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.

Leslie: OK, Tom. Go put these in places I do not approve of.
Tom: Leslie, I'm gonna put these in places you've never heard of.

There is a girl here that also works at Quiznos. She's really nice to me here, but really mean to me at Quiznos.

Leslie: We are going to The Glitter Factory.
Tom: What?
Donna: Not me. I can't go back there. But if you see Jasmine tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.

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