When Tiger Woods feels invincible he wears a red shirt and black pants. Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex.

Leslie: Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific. Or is that awful? I mean he hates her, but he knows her. Everything's OK, or is it just the same?
Tom: Leslie, you're thinking out loud again.
Leslie: Am I? I am.

Ann, what happened here? Did you tell everyone they're going to have to get a bone marrow transplant tomorrow? They look miserable. This party is a disaster.

Leslie: How do we cut through the red tape and how do we get this pit filled in? Ideas?
Tom: We need to cut through the red tape and get the pit filled in.
Leslie: Yes, Tom. Good.

Tom: So, what does the Man Pillow look like?
Leslie: Daniel Craig. It's for my lower back.

Credit Card Rep: $20 to Netflix.
Leslie: Yup.
Credit Card Rep: $20 to Blockbuster Online.
Tom: Both?
Leslie: I needed all 11 discs of Gossip Girl at the same time.

Leslie: Let's look at the pros and cons.
Ann: Pro, we can fill in the pit and build a park.
Leslie: Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.
Tom: Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
Leslie: Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
Mark: We can fill in the pit.
Leslie: Con, Ann already said that. Pro and con never works.
Tom: Pro, yes it does.

Leslie: I'm gonna return the money.
Tom: Are you crazy? You could buy a low-end Lexus with that money.
Ann: Or you could build a park with that money.

Leslie: Look, I know these guys didn't turn out to be exactly how we thought they would be.
Tom: You said they might not know what toilet paper is.
Leslie: I'm calling inaudible.

Elvis: Do we just, uh, select the woman we desire? I will take the large, black one.
Tom: Interesting choice.

Leslie: Our photo op with the mayor is tomorrow at 3 p.m., so I'm gonna need your suggestions about my wardrobe asap.
Tom: I told you, gold sequin sweatpants.

Mark: Why does anyone want to run for public office, you're just asking to have your entire life exposed.
Tom: Not if you're squeaky clean like me.
Mark: You're married and you hit on women constantly.
Tom: Yeah but never sealed the deal. Just window shopping. You can fly to Brazil, just never enter the cave. Am I right? Up top!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April