Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSTravis Cobb Quotes
Bobby: You know how old I was the first time I got really drunk?
Travis: I dunno, nine?
Bobby: Trick question. Never been really drunk. I have got a monster tolerance. The point is...
Travis: No dad, there is no point to that story.
Bobby: Okay, the completely new thought is...
Jules: Oh my god, that bag is soaked with grease. I'm telling you right now, i don't care what's in it, I'm eating it.
Travis: It's a human head.
Jules: If it's deep fried, I'm still in.
Woh, never barge in on an eighteen year old with Internet.
Travis: Are there really women out there that will have sex with me just because they're mad about something?
Laurie: Oh yeah, for sure.
Travis: This is very exciting news.
Laurie: You know there are also girls that will sleep with you because their friends are prettier.
Travis: This just keeps getting better.
Bobby: Come on T-bone, you can take my ride.
Travis: You know putting golf cart keys on a Ferrari keychain doesn't make it a Ferrari?
Bobby: I was being ironic.
Bobby: The paint can game is the greatest thing I've ever created in my life.
Travis: And thank you dad.
Andy: Can you forget that was your mom?
Travis: No problem.
Andy: When a woman has just dominated another woman, she feels ferocious. This is a great time to ask for sex.
Travis: Mom is sort of creeping back in.
Andy: I never said this was gonna be easy. Come on.
Travis: Why am I still following?
Travis: Does this mean my girlfriend doesn't like my short stories?
Andy: Of course not, Trav. No one does.
Jules [after spin class]: Hey Travis, take me upstairs and put me in the bath.
Travis: That's a sentence I was hoping not to hear until you were seventy.
I'm about to bring Kylie in so I need you all to act like normal human beings. I know it's going to be hard but I can help. Mrs. Torres, Kylie doesn't have an eating disorder, she runs cross country, so think of a new opening question. Mr. Torres, I don't care how much you eat, let's keep our pants buttoned. Laurie, your breasts are bigger than hers. There I said it, you don't need to tell her. Neighbor guy, I see you brought your fruity little guitar, let's keep that holstered. Mom, you have multiple problem areas so when it doubt just say to yourself that's a bad idea. Dad, I think we both know it's best if you don't say anything.
Grayson: Your mom said, "no girls."
Kylie: It's okay, I'll just get my stuff.
Travis: Do you know what her stuff is? It's flavored lip gloss and an over-sizes t-shirt for when she gets, quote, tired and snuggly.
Laurie: Dale's not perfect, I mean it's not cool he forges Dan Marino's autograph for a living, but I think he really cares about me, don't you?
Travis: That depends, does he have your name tattooed anywhere on his body?
Laurie: He says he does but I haven't been able to find it
