Tyrion: So, should I turn around and close my eyes?
Jaime: Depends, did you do it?
Tyrion: The King Slayer Brothers, you like it? I like it. You really asking if I killed your son?
Jaime: You really asking if I'd kill my brother?

Sansa: We have a new queen.
Tyrion: Better her than you.

Tyrion: Forgive me if I don't weep for you.
Varys: No one weeps for spiders or whores.

It's only wine.

You lost a hand, not a stomach.

I didn't know your brother. He seemed like a good man, but I didn't know him. Your mother on the other hand, I admired her. She wanted to have me executed, but I admired her.

It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it, if it were easy.

Drinking and lust , no man can match me in these things. I am the god of tits and wine.

You won't be a prisoner after today, you'll be my wife.

I'm a monster, as well as a dwarf. You should charge me double.

Would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week?

Varys: I'm not entirely sure what you're suggesting.
Tyrion: I'm entirely sure, you're entirely sure, what I'm suggesting.