Tyrion: I must say I received a slighter warmer welcome on my last visit.
Robb: Any man of the Night's Watch is welcome at Winterfell.
Tyrion: Any man of the Night's Watch but not I, eh boy?
Robb: I'm not your boy, Lannister. I'm Lord of Winterfell while my father is away.
Tyrion: Then you might learn a Lord's courtesy.

If you're going to be a cripple, it's better to be a rich cripple. Take care, Snow.

Not this time. We'll be staying at the finest castles and inns. No one turns away a Lannister.

Tyrion: Do you think I'm plump? Listen, Benjen, may I call you Benjen?
Benjen: Call me what you like.
Tyrion: I'm not sure what I've done to offend you. I have great admiration for the Night's Watch, and for you as First Ranger.
Benjen: You know my brother once told me? That nothing someone says before the word but really counts.
Tyrion: But, I don't believe that giants and ghouls and white walkers are lurking beyond the wall. I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when that wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it.

Tyrion: And how do a bear's balls taste?
Yoren: A bit chewy. What about you, milord. What's the strangest thing you've eaten?
Tyrion: Do Dornish girls count?

Tyrion: I'm looking at you. Yes, you. You've got an interesting face. Very distinctive faces, all of them.
Grenn: What do you care about our faces?
Tyrion: I think they would look marvelous decorating spikes in King's Landing. Perhaps I'll write my sister, the queen, about them.

Everythings better with some wine in the belly.

Tyrion: A bastard boy with nothing to inherit, off to join the ancient order of the Night's Watch. Alongside his valiant brothers in arms.
Jon: The Night's Watch protects the realm from..
Tyrion: Ah, ah, yes, yes,against grumpkins and snarks and all the
other monsters your wet nurse warned you about. You're a smart boy, you don't believe that nonsense.

Tyrion: Ah...rapers. They were given a choice, no doubt. Castration or the Wall. Most choose the knife. Not impressed by your new brothers? Lovely thing about the Watch. You discard your old family and get a whole new one.
Jon: Why do you read so much?
Tyrion: Look at me and tell me what you see.
Jon: Is this a trick?
Tyrion: What you see is a dwarf. If I had been born a peasant, they might have left me out in the woods to die. Alas, I was born a Lannister of Casterly Rock. Things are expected of me. My father was the Hand of the King for 20 years.
Jon: Until your brother killed that King.
Tyrion: Yes, until my brother killed him. Life is full of these little ironies. My sister married the new King, and my repulsive nephew will be king after him. I must do my part for the honor of my house, wouldn't you agree? But how? Well, my brother has a sword, and I have my mind. And a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. That's why I read so much, Jon Snow.

Jaime: Well, even if the boy lives, he'll be a cripple, grotesque. Give me a good, clean death any day.
Tyrion: Speaking for the grotesques, I'll have to disagree. Death is so final. Whereas life, ah life is so full of possibilities. I hope the boy does wake, I'd be very interested to hear what he has to say.
Jaime: My dear brother, there are times you make me wonder whose side you're on.
Tyrion: My dear brother, you wound me. You know how much I love my family.

Tyrion: The charms of the north seem entirely lost on you.
Cersei: I still can't believe you're going. It's ridiculous, even for you.
Tyrion: Where's your sense of wonder? The greatest structure ever built. The intrepid men of the Night's Watch. The wintry abode of the white walkers.

Joffrey: Better looking bitches than you're used to uncle. My ma's been looking for you. We ride for King's Landing today.
Tyrion: Before we go, you will call on Lord and Lady Stark and offer your sympathies.
Joffrey: What good would my sympathies do them?
Tyrion: None, but it is expected of you. Your absence has already been noted.
Joffrey: The boy means nothing to me. And I can't stand the wailing of women. (Tyrion slaps Joffrey)
Tyrion: One word, and I'll hit you again.
Joffrey: I'm telling mother!
Tyrion: Go, tell her. But first you will get to Lord and Lady Stark and tell them how very sorry you are, that you are at their service and all your prayers are with them. Do you understand?
Joffrey: You can't... (Tyrion slaps him again)
Tyrion: Do you understand?
The Hounds: The prince will remember that, little Lord.
Tyrion: I hope so. If he forgets, be a good dog, and remind him.

Game of Thrones Quotes

Tyrion: Let me give you some advice bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.
Jon: What the hell do you know about being a bastard?
Tyrion: All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes.

Nothing isn't better or worse than anything. Nothing is just nothing.

Arya