Saddle up, Linda! And say goodbye to common sense.

The forest will run red with the blood of woodland creatures who doubted little Veronica and will now pay with their furry little lives.

Ted: And congratulations to you for falling through the ceiling in a metal tube and winning that game. That's gotta feel good.
Veronica: You're gonna have to speak up. I'm temporarily deaf in one ear. As you may know, I fell through the ceiling in a metal tube. But at least I won that game, and that feels good.

Veronica: I saw what was going on in there between you and Fraulein Cheekbones. When you show her around town, keep your Hansels off her Gretels.
Ted: I was just being friendly.
Veronica: I'm serous, Ted. This deal is too important and sex can screw things up. Why do you think the Three Stooges went through so many Curlys?

Oh, God, we have unhappy Germans. Nothing good has ever come from that.

Because I'm good at everything I do. I'm not bragging, because bragging is the one thing I'm not good at. Although, if I wanted to be, I'd be excellent at that, too. As I just proved.

Veronica: Do you live here? Do all the cubicle workers have little hobbit holes like this?
Linda: No, some of us nest in trees, others have underground warrens.

We believe the multi-language translator will create a furor in Germany, a furor that will sweep across Europe, crushing... no.

Veronica: So you're going to be in a room filled with weak, malleable children, and a man is going to bring in a toy. When he does, you're going to say very bad things about it.
Rose: Why?
Veronica: Because we're telling you to, and you should always do what adults tell you to do, especially when they give you candy.
Linda: It's just a fun game we're playing--like dress-up, only instead of clothes, we're dressing up the things that are coming out of your mouth.

So Pete's project is testing today. I want to burn his diaper and salt the earth beneath it so no new product will ever grow there.

Well, you are eager and desperate for my approval. And that's two of the three qualities I look for in a partner.

Linda: You make no sound when you walk.
Veronica: Then I am ready to leave the monastery and avenge my parents. I'm kidding. I just buy expensive shoes made from very soft animals.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 134 in total

Better Off Ted Quotes

Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I've asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things

Ted

Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie

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