Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.

The only think I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. Ibuprofen, minus the Mister.

I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough, but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.

I just want to be slapped around!

You got girl trouble, get a crystal!

I will say only one thing about that man that I've only said about Ryan Gosling...hot damn!

Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess