The baby is perfectly fine, but lets just say I did not do a good job.

Oh yeah this woman just made my not sexual to do list.

I've been chasing you for miles like a murderer.

Me owe you? You ditched me when we were supposed to run away from school together. I built that raft for nothing.

I had dibs on her since the first grade dude.

Science aside man you're working those jeans.

I adore gas station television me, myself, personally. It is the intersection between information and gas.

As a cop do you think I would get anyone to do anything if I were being kind and supportive?

Actually the dance class has become more of a dance gathering.

It's too small to be a cat hotel and too big to be pants so it can't be mine.

Winston: Would you consider us adorable?
Nick: No, we're adult men. We're cute.

You know what would be nice? A wedding invitation engraved on a plate. What a magical wedding that would be.

New Girl Quotes

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick