Boobies. Girls with clean hair. Models eating sliders. Bernadette Peters on a high beam. Freshly baked bread.

Winston: I'm gonna be strong for you, man. You know, I really did love Walt.
Nick: He was my dad, Winston.
Winston: Yeah, but he loved me more than he loved you. He told me that.
Nick: Yeah, he told me that too, actually.

I know you're lying, and I'm hurt, but I'm gonna eat this anyway

Schmidt: Here are some things you want to hide about yourself on tonight's date--you're cheap, you're a heavy drinker, you're broke, you have a problem with anger.
Winston: Your car is horrible.

Winston: Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed — lining your shoes up at the door.
Nick: Don't line my shoes up at the door.
Winston: Recording your favorite shows. The turn-down service.
Nick: The turn-down service is weird, and I never asked you to do that.
Schmidt: Well I guess those chocolate mints just disappeared on their own.

Winston: You, my friend, have become her fluffer.
Nick: Like in porn?
Winston: Her emotional fluffer!

I'll be back faster than you can say, "Damn, Winston, I took care of myself already."

If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

Hello, Pica? I need a table for five. This is author Toni Morrison.

He's gonna have to get...it rhymes with "flute-ered."

I needed your underwear...to sew into my underwear.

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick