Winston: An eye for an eye, Nick; a cat for a cat.
Nick: But what's the other cat?

I needed your underwear...to sew into my underwear.

I'm staying positive, but I'm pretty sure this is where we die.

I know you're lying, and I'm hurt, but I'm gonna eat this anyway

Prostitute: Aren't you a virgin, too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.

Or we could break into a zoo, steal a bear, then we shoot the bear full of Hep C, we release that bear in the restaurant right as they're about to order dessert.

He doesn't steal pies from windowsills! He is a real-life homeless person!

Schmidt: Here are some things you want to hide about yourself on tonight's date--you're cheap, you're a heavy drinker, you're broke, you have a problem with anger.
Winston: Your car is horrible.

Winston: I'm gonna be strong for you, man. You know, I really did love Walt.
Nick: He was my dad, Winston.
Winston: Yeah, but he loved me more than he loved you. He told me that.
Nick: Yeah, he told me that too, actually.

Schmidt, I have to breathe because I am coaching you and also for regular life reasons.

I'll be back faster than you can say, "Damn, Winston, I took care of myself already."

Nick, we will talk about this in the morning. But, first, I'm gonna go do stuff with a girl

New Girl Quotes

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick