Winston Bishop Quotes
Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.
Somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation. And I got that menstruation inside of me!
Winston: Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed â€” lining your shoes up at the door.
Nick: Don't line my shoes up at the door.
Winston: Recording your favorite shows. The turn-down service.
Nick: The turn-down service is weird, and I never asked you to do that.
Schmidt: Well I guess those chocolate mints just disappeared on their own.
That wasn't a cookie, damn it! That was a piece of his heart.
Winston: They call me Prank Sinatra!
Nick: No, you call you Prank Sinatra!
Winston: You, my friend, have become her fluffer.
Nick: Like in porn?
Winston: Her emotional fluffer!
Jess: I got laid off.
Nick: Are you serious?
I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.
Boobies. Girls with clean hair. Models eating sliders. Bernadette Peters on a high beam. Freshly baked bread.
Winston: So nice to meet you, Mr. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Can I sit on your shoulders?
Nick: Schmidt...I need you to teach me to be a douchebag
Schmidt: Let's get started.
Winston: What is happening in the world?
Winston: Hey Schmidt, do you mind if I use the uh...manbulance?
Schmidt: The manbulance is resting. It's getting ready for the corporate retreat.
Winston: That's cool. I'm sure the mambulance couldn't handle all of Shelby's luggage anyway.
Schmidt: What the hell is wrong with you, Winston? It could fit the luggage of 9 Shelbys. It has the towing capacity of 1,000 Shelbys.