Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS

You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.


You're not my type anyway! You're a bartender who's close to liquor all night, and you're not an alcoholic. So, clearly, you don't know how to seize an opportunity.


When you fake smile, everybody else fake smiles back.


You can't give hipsters a microphone, that's like throwing gasoline on a pretentious fire!


Caroline: You need to react when people cry
Max: I did! I rolled my eyes!

Max: So what, is she still your girlfriend?
Johnny: Max it's complicated.
Max: What are we on Facebook?

Max: Oh my God, you have a shoe rotisserie!
Caroline: I designed it. I call it my Ferris Heels.
Max: I'd judge you if that wasn't exactly what I'd call it if I had one.

Sofi: Oh Earl, you make me smile. I wish we had black people in Poland when I was growing up.
Earl: Too bad, we would have really enjoyed segregation and Hitler.

Detective: He lived alone, been dead two weeks
Max: Cats eat his face?
Caroline: Max! Can you not be so dark?
Max: Kittens eat his face?

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 245 in total