TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

I'm saying, adopting a dog so it can watch us make love and then returning it, claiming that it bit our imaginary child, is everything that I need, but if that's not enough for you tell me now.

Paul

Why can't we just paint each others' toe nails, watch vintage pornography, and then go to bed in our swing like a normal couple?

Paul

It was Harold, and I ate all of him. Even the face in case of a tie. I ate him sir! I ate my father pig!

Kenneth

I got other ideas...like a micro brewery that also serves frozen yogurt. I'm a call it, Microsoft.

Donald

Last night was a disaster...and not the good kind where I get to sing at a benefit.

Jenna

Jack: You're the only one bank rolling this? What about Brown and Folderson?
Tracy: That's what I call my wallet.

Hey get a room! Whatever that is.

Hobo

Anyone I ever dated in high school turned out to be either gay or a girl dressed as a guy to get a journalism scholarship.

Liz

Also, in the background I heard lady giggles and the sound of a beautiful sunset.

Kenneth

I'm tired of talking this much to a woman I'm not having sex with.

Jack

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

Jack

Jenna: Marriage is like death. You still into a routine. You lose all the spark.
Liz: I don't know. I always thought the whole point of being with someone for a long time is to get to the comfortable routine part.
Jenna: No. Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 15 in total